There Are No Problems A Law Can't Fix

You got a problem, let Michael Suede fix it.

Lets take kids getting poor grades for example. Little Johny is causing you grief because he doesn’t like math? NO PROBLEM!

Elect me as your representative and I’ll outlaw poor grades! That little criminal will be behind bars faster than you can say the letter F.

How about drunk driving? Are you sick of all these drunks out on the road at 2:00 AM plowing into each other? Well boy I got the solution. I’ll simply create a law banning drunk driving! BOOM! no more drunks!


Hey, you got a problem with homeless people in your neighborhood? I got a solution for that as well. I’ll simply make being homeless a criminal offense! BOOM! NO MORE HOMELESS PEOPLE!

You just give me a problem and I’ll show you how a law can fix it overnight. I have spent years studying the complexities of law.

Take loosing your job! Hey! EVERYONE NEEDS A JOB RIGHT? I’ll just make a law that says if you apply to a job, you get the job! Instantly everyone without a job will have a job. Problem solved.

How about your kid doing drugs? Can’t have that now! Doing drugs might ruin Johny’s grades, and since getting an F is illegal, that’s problematic. PROBLEM-REACTION-SOLUTION MAKE DRUGS ILLEGAL!!! BAM! No more drugs.

Its that simple.

With the stroke of a pen, I can solve drugs, drunk driving, poor grades, homelessness and joblessness overnight.

You people need to better appreciate people like myself, because only someone as enlightened as myself can provide you with such obvious solutions!

Throw your problems at me, I’ll write a law on the spot and show you how it can be solved.