Pelosi State Of The Union Decoded

The Street reports:

WASHINGTON, Jan. 27 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — Speaker Nancy Pelosi released the following statement tonight following President Obama’s State of the Union address to a Joint Session of Congress:

I will now decode this statement for the unwashed public school educated masses.

“Tonight, President Obama presented a vision to the American people of a stronger union, a new foundation for prosperity, and a thriving middle class. Working together, we will adopt a bold agenda for our economic growth – founded on good-paying jobs, strong schools, quality, affordable health insurance, and critical investments in small businesses and our clean energy future.

Tonight our God King presented the current truth to the Amerikan people of stronger unions,  economic stagflation, and a thriving worker class.  Working together, we will adopt an authoritarian agenda for centrally planned stagflation – founded on welfare state jobs, communist indoctrination centers, affordable healthcare (less than 50% of your pay-check in taxes to pay for it!), and critical “investments” in banks and our clean energy-free future.

“President Obama also presented a comprehensive approach to our first responsibility as public servants: to keep the American people safe. This Congress remains fully committed to working with the President for the security of our nation.

The God King also presented a comprehensive approach to your first responsibility as good serfs:  to hand over all your guns to the government.  This criminal Congress remains fully committed to disarming the serfdom to keep banker oligarchs safe.

“Despite signs of progress in our economy, too many Americans are out of work and struggling to make ends meet. To put people back to work, we will assist small businesses and invest in infrastructure and clean energy jobs. To ensure a competitive workforce, we will improve the way we educate our next generation.

Despite signs of progress in our bid to destroy the middle class, too many Amerikans are still not working for the government.  To put serfs to work, we will assist in dismantling small businesses through massive taxation and then create new positions for those displaced serfs within the government bureaucracy.  We will also improve the way we indoctrinate your children.

“In the wake of a crisis borne out of taking risks with taxpayers’ money, we will protect Main Street from the excess of Wall Street and restore accountability to the financial sector.

In the wake of a crisis borne out of government eliminating all risk in private markets by backing massive private debt gambles with tax payer money, we will continue to prop up the excess of Wall Street through such bureaucratic organizations as the FDIC, the Federal Reserve, and Fannie Mae.

“Addressing a critical challenge for our economy and millions of households, Congress will pass health insurance reform that lowers costs for American families and small businesses, creates jobs, and ends the insurance companies’ worst practices.

Addressing a critical challenge for our economy and millions of households, Congress will pass mandatory state controlled healthcare reform that forces you to buy private insurance or face massive tax penalties.  Refusal to pay these  penalties will result in a 5 year prison sentence and a 250,000 dollar fine.

Every step along the way, Democrats will demand fiscal discipline – examining unnecessary spending across-the-board, empowering a bipartisan commission to recommend a sustainable fiscal path, and making the pay-as-you-go principles that have been the rule of the House, the law of the land.

Every step along the way, Democrats will demand your loot at gun point – examining how to disarm you and keep you from resisting, by empowering IRS agents to carry fully automatic weapons, chain guns, and 40mm grenade launchers.  All money expropriated from your pocket books will be used to pay the interest obligations owed to private banks.