The High Priests of science (otherwise known as theoretical physicists) have concluded that the Christ manifests himself as neutronium creating miracles in space that worshipers like yourself call pulsars.
These objects have several miraculous properties according to the mystics:
1. They violate the Island of Stability in nuclear chemistry.
Supposedly neutrons in these God objects are able to pack themselves together in ways unimaginable (and of course, unprovable) here on Earth. In normal matter, neutrons packed together that densely fly apart instantaneously. Such matter is wildly unstable according to the known laws of nuclear chemistry, but that doesn’t stop theoretical physicists from claiming it exists in space.
2. They can spin around at rates faster than an alcohol fueled dragsters tire without blowing themselves up.
Some pulsars have been observed to rotate at over 1100 hz. That’s 66,000 revolutions per minute.
Such wild rotations rates mean the star’s outer edge is approaching appreciable speeds of light. Normally Einstein’s retarded theories would say this is impossible, but leave it to the theoretical high priests of science to tell us that, in this special instance, God has worked a miracle. Previous theories said 700 hz was the maximum spin rate a pulsar could have before blowing itself up according to Einstein’s relativity, but since Christ is involved, the theory has been revised to reflect a new 1500 hz maximum spin rate.
3. They violate the conservation laws of physics.
In conjunction with the obvious miracles they preform as listed above, their magnetospheres also preform miracles. You see, scientists use all manner of “frozen magnetic fields” in their descriptions of these objects. Such fields have been proven to be nothing more than abstractions of modeling tools. They don’t really exist in real life (because they violate conservation laws.) Yet this small detail obviously doesn’t apply to pulsars since God himself says so.
Clearly anyone who doubts the existence of Jesus hasn’t reviewed the literature pertaining to pulsars.
Now, you may ask why theoretical physicists have decided to prove the existence of God in the pulsar. I say its because they have run out of other means of explaining these objects other than by resorting to miracles.
Of course, since I don’t believe in Einstein’s wild theories of bending space and uber-gravity, I also don’t believe in the standard theory of pulsars. Physicist Anthony Peratt has demonstrated a simple mechanism to explain pulsars that amounts to what electrical engineers refer to as a relaxation oscillator. Engineering students have been producing millisecond pulses of electricity for decades using these simple devices.
Peratt’s theory can also explain the millisecond pulses of radio waves we see coming from Jupiter. Last time I checked, Jupiter wasn’t spinning around at 66,000 times a minute.
However Peratt’s theory means we must revise our ideas of what powers stars. According to Peratt, stars receive their power externally from the galaxy. They form because electrically charged streams of plasma pinch on themselves, which is what lights up a star.
While this theory may sound reasonable and plausible considering what we now know about plasma from laboratory experiments, it is considered heresy by the High Priests. You see, the High Priests demand tax dollars at gun point in order to live the fat lifestyles of 100,000+ dollar a year salaries for 32 weeks of part time work preaching *cough*, I mean teaching, science to their disciples.
If Peratt’s theories were accepted, it would mean no more fat paychecks for the looting thieves since their wacky religion of math would have to be discarded in favor of laboratory experimentation and proven physics.
Praise Mao and Praise Jesus.