FDA Bans Caffeine

The totalitarian criminals you call the federal government have decided that a naturally occuring chemical called caffeine, often found in such products as coffee, is to be banned.

Apparently some enterprising entrepreneurs had taken it upon themselves to add this dangerous chemical to alcoholic drinks.  Of course, in the FDA’s opinion, consuming a known toxin such as alcohol is perfectly fine, as long as you do so without adding caffeine to it.

Heaven forbid someone drinks an Irish Coffee or a Vodka Redbull, their hair might catch on fire or their eye sockets might explode.

ABC News reports:

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration will effectively ban the sale of beverages that combine caffeine and alcohol, including Four Loko and Joose, by ruling that caffeine is an unsafe food additive, according to Senator Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.).

In a press release, the Senator also announced that the Federal Trade Commission will notify manufacturers that they’re potentially marketing the products illegally.