Presidential Address to the Plebeians of The United States of America

As your President, I feel it is important that you understand where I stand on the issues.

Let’s take Affirmative Action as an example.

Is it possible to end racism by threating people with violence?

How is a political body supposed to end racism?

If Billy Bob the sporting goods store owner is a redneck racist bigot who hates blacks simply because they are black, and absolutely refuses to hire blacks, is the problem of his racism solved by having some agent of the State hold a gun to his head and demand he hire blacks anyways?

Of course, racism is a two way street.  If Jamal the barber shop owner is a Black Panther raging racist that hates white people, is the problem of Jamal’s racism solved by having an agent of the State hold a gun to his head, forcing him to hire a white barber on to his staff?

Clearly such actions would only serve to make Billy Bob and Jamal MORE racist, not less.

Let’s take another one, Gay Rights.

Just like in our previous example, holding a gun to someone’s head isn’t going to make them love gay people.   However, the gays do have a somewhat legitimate beef with the marriage laws.  Of course, the question I have is – what right does the State have to license any marriage at all?

As your president, you are demanding that I not only grant permission to hetro people to get married, but that I also grant permission to gay people to get married?  Why in the hell should I be granting anyone permission to get married at all?

WTF OVER?

Do you really want me licensing your religious and personal lives?  If you do, you are f’king insane.

How about this one - Free Trade.

This is put out there as if I have some kind of responsibility for making sure this doesn’t occur… or is it my responsiblity to make sure it does occur?

Never mind, it doesn’t really matter, because if you actually want me directing which private citizens can engage in trade with one another, then you are literally f’king insane.  The notion that I have some kind of personal responsibility to manage what and how private citizens trade with one another is so asinine that I have to wonder what the hell kind of drugs you are on.  I am your president, not your personal economist.

Lets look at Agriculture.

I am not a farmer you f’king morons, I’m a president.  You shouldn’t expect me to tell farmers how to run their operations, and you certainly shouldn’t expect me to rob people in order to subsidize the farmers.

How about Infrastructure & Technology.

I am not a Network Systems Engineer you f’king morons, I’m a president.  You shouldn’t expect me to tell private engineers how to run their operations, and you certainly shouldn’t expect me to rob people in order to subsidize the IT industry.  Stop asking me about “Net Neutrality” and start asking yourselves why the f’k I should be managing the IT infrastructure of the nation, when clearly I have no idea WTF I AM DOING OVER.

Lets look at Gun Control.

So half of you are saying the way to end gun violence is for me to order an agent of the State to hold a gun to an otherwise peaceful person’s head and rob them of their firearms.

This makes total sense, if you are a homicidal maniac with the IQ of a cow.

Clearly using gun violence to solve the problem of gun violence simply changes the person engaging in said act of gun violence.    It is not my job to send armed men around looting people of their guns at gun point.

And on and on and so forth.

Basically you people are all retarded if you want me running your life.

 


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