CA State Considers Stealing 12 Cents Per Can Of Soda Sold

The looting insurgents you call government are calling for the theft of 12 cents from every can of soda sold.

NBC reports:

Some California lawmakers are seeing soda as liquid gold when it comes to help resolving the state’s huge budget crisis and giving counties and schools a helping hand.

Assembly Bill 669 would add a penny an ounce tax to sweetened beverages.

The proposed measure would raise $1.7 billion to fight childhood obesity (LOL, as if that money will be spent on childhood obesity), but some see it as a way to  help out cash-strapped counties (because it is a foregone conclusion that cash-strapped county governments are entitled to more of your money and that helping them is good for you) since the money generated by the measure would go directly to the counties.

Soda is for your lords and masters, it is not something a common plebe like yourself should be indulging in.   Further, soda is not actually a commodity that people purchase and consume, it is a money tree that government plans on using to fatten its coffers.

The obvious problem here is that you are too stupid to consume beverages such as soda without becoming a bloated fat cow.  The best way to prevent you from becoming a fat tub of worthless lard is for the State to simply make food so expensive that you can’t afford to eat it.

Another way the State seeks to keep your waistline trim is by destroying the US sugar market.  It used to be that soda was made with real sugar, but the State has so massively manipulated the sugar market with tariffs, quotas, and regulatory restrictions that soda producers have finally thrown in the towel.  They now resort to using processed corn syrup instead of sugar to produce soda in the US.

Of course, in the process of destroying the US sugar market, law makers not only deprived commoners of good tasting soda, they also made people fatter.  Princeton University studies have shown that corn syrup will make you fatter than normal table sugar.

So here we can see the circular reasoning of the State in action.  We must destroy sugar markets to save us from ourselves, and in the process, make people fatter by having producers switch to using processed corn syrup.  But because producers have switched to processed corn syrup, the State must now destroy soda production to once again save us from our worthless pathetic selves.

The endless theft and destruction of private markets is the only way to prevent people like you from becoming fat blobs of scum.

May Mao bless you and keep you.

May Mao make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.

May Mao destroy your the value of your money, and give you peace.

  • Nihilianth

    Anyone who reads this post, I think you should read this thread over at the James Ramsey Education Foundation:

    http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=207308

    Michael Suede is blowing things way out of proportion. Apparently, he thinks Central Park is “better” than the PA state park system.

  • Zep

    When they put a 12 cents per can tax on soda, anarchy and chaos must SURELY follow!

    Wait a sec… Hasn’t the government had similar taxes on beer, wine and other alcoholic beverages for, like, ages? So why hasn’t the same thing happened with that? Oh yes! Soda is a flashpoint beverage! *snork!*