You might think it is ridiculous that you should have to beg me for permission to engage in productive activity, but it’s for your own good. Only I can determine if you are worthy of engaging in productive behavior.
You must understand that if I allowed everyone to simply operate a business without asking me permission first, there might be too much competition. People might have too many choices and prices on consumer goods might fall too far for my crony compatriots to make a sizable profit.
By forcing you to get a license from me, I can ensure that productive behavior doesn’t run wild. I need poor people on my welfare subsidies to help keep me in power. I need farmers on my corn subsidies to help keep me in power. I need banks on my bailout subsidies to help keep me in power. If I allowed everyone to compete without restrictions or subsidies I would lose too much power, and that wouldn’t be good for my millions of government employees.
Poor people might create jobs by opening their own businesses on the cheap, such as selling hot dogs from their front porch or growing vegetables in their yards and selling them on street corners. Such actions would be a tragedy for humanity, which is why I have made it illegal to vend anything without a license in a proper commercial zone.
Let us go through an example to illustrate why competition is a horrible sin that must be regulated and licensed by me. Consider if you were the only hairstylist in the city of Chicago. You would be able to make millions of dollars a year because you would face no competition and could charge any price you wanted for providing a haircut. Isn’t it better that I help you keep making those profits by using force or coercion to prevent too many new hairstylist from opening up shops next to yours? Would’t you want me to make it as difficult as possible for anyone to open up a new hair salon? Of course you would, which is why I am here.
I make sure beauticians have to get licensed, salons have to get business licenses, and I make sure that there aren’t “too many” salons in a given area through zoning laws. Without me to protect your business, you might get run out of business by free market competition.
It is important that I be the one to decide if the services people offer are good enough for you to consume, for you are simply too dumb to figure this out on your own. If I wasn’t here to make sure doctors were forced to obtain a medical license, surely you would be too stupid to only visit doctors who were certified by a private certification agency or who had good consumer reviews. Most likely you would only visit witch doctors and snake oil salesmen.
I am your savior; I am your salvation. Without me you would face a world of hate filled cut throat competition. Thank me for protecting you from yourself.