I Am The State – You Must Beg Me For Permission To Engage In Productive Behavior

Because if you don’t, I’ll fine you, raid you and destroy you.

You might think it is ridiculous that you should have to beg me for permission to engage in productive activity, but it’s for your own good.  Only I can determine if you are worthy of engaging in productive behavior.

You must understand that if I allowed everyone to simply operate a business without asking me permission first, there might be too much competition.  People might have too many choices and prices on consumer goods might fall too far for my crony compatriots to make a sizable profit.

By forcing you to get a license from me, I can ensure that productive behavior doesn’t run wild.  I need poor people on my welfare subsidies to help keep me in power.  I need farmers on my corn subsidies to help keep me in power.  I need banks on my bailout subsidies to help keep me in power.  If I allowed everyone to compete without restrictions or subsidies I would lose too much power, and that wouldn’t be good for my millions of government employees.

Poor people might create jobs by opening their own businesses on the cheap, such as selling hot dogs from their front porch or growing vegetables in their yards and selling them on street corners.  Such actions would be a tragedy for humanity, which is why I have made it illegal to vend anything without a license in a proper commercial zone.

Let us go through an example to illustrate why competition is a horrible sin that must be regulated and licensed by me.  Consider if you were the only hairstylist in the city of Chicago.  You would be able to make millions of dollars a year because you would face no competition and could charge any price you wanted for providing a haircut.  Isn’t it better that I help you keep making those profits by using force or coercion to prevent too many new hairstylist from opening up shops next to yours?  Would’t you want me to make it as difficult as possible for anyone to open up a new hair salon?  Of course you would, which is why I am here.

I make sure beauticians have to get licensed, salons have to get business licenses, and I make sure that there aren’t “too many” salons in a given area through zoning laws.  Without me to protect your business, you might get run out of business by free market competition.

It is important that I be the one to decide if the services people offer are good enough for you to consume, for you are simply too dumb to figure this out on your own.  If I wasn’t here to make sure doctors were forced to obtain a medical license, surely you would be too stupid to only visit doctors who were certified by a private certification agency or who had good consumer reviews.  Most likely you would only visit witch doctors and snake oil salesmen.

I am your savior; I am your salvation.  Without me you would face a world of hate filled cut throat competition.  Thank me for protecting you from yourself.


  • Fatman

    Without regulation big flowers and big hairdressing will sap the economy and destroy the middle class.  Why do you hate america?

    How else is bonqueesha sposed to get her hair did?  By trusting some capitalist pig dog? 

    The state’s opinion on acceptable hairdos has jurisdiction over her own.   Mmmm hmmmm.

    • Without the State, I might walk into a salon and come out with a tie-dye afro.

      Only the State can protect me from tie-dye afros and militant mohawks.

      • Anonymous

        Funny you should say that. I have a friend who want’s me to tie-dye his mohawk as soon as it’s long enough. . .

  • Charles Tunning

    People shouldn’t just be able to do what they want at all times.  In an ideal world maybe, but if people aren’t made to obey certain rules then they will inevitably do something that hurts someone.

    Look what happened when that guy tried to make a nuclear reactor in his house.  He didn’t tell anyone about it and if he had been smarter he could have covered up a nuclear incident of his own making. This would mean people would be damaged by his efforts and not even know who did it.  And whatsay they did notice by the time they all have cancer, well then they won’t even be able to afford a lawyer on account of they spent all their money of treatment.

    I’m not against private nuclear reactors though.  I’m saying there has to be some authority or someway to prevent things like that from happening in an anarchist/minarchist society. 

    That guy probably didn’t intent to violate anyone’s rights.  People like him could theoretically provide the world with all the medical isotopes it needs and for low cost
    if they were able to operate… but there has to be some sort of enforcement mechanism.

    **Okay my brother is just telling me this could be prevented with the use of private security who carry Geiger counters. 

    Maybe…. But he could have his own guards.

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  • Chris Granneman

    Nicely done, but it would be interesting if you included the other side of the argument. That these licenses do serve a useful purpose in defending the doctor or hairstylist or salon from litigation. I agree with you completely, but individual bear some of the blame for this rediculous system with frivolous lawsuits because of their own stupidity. As sad as it is your statement, “Most likely you would only visit witch doctors and snake oil salesmen,” is all too believable.