Rambling Thoughts on Fear and Memory

I didn’t write this article with coherent and rigorous logic in mind, so don’t expect to walk way from this with some new and profound meaning of life, but I think you might find it interesting none the less.  I wrote it more to help me remember some various lines of reasoning to pursue more rigorously later.

I want to know what the hell the point of all this is.  By “all of this” – I mean all of this.  What am I doing here.  Why am I alive on this rock floating through space, that is filled with several billion completely insane human beings, who all think it is perfectly rational to rob and murder each other.  What the fuck is this place?  What the hell is going on?  Who in their wildest imaginings could ever dream up such an ingenious physical universe mixed with such stark raving lunacy?

It’s almost like the entire point of being alive is to live in a near constant state of want, lack, desire and fear, interspersed with brief, yet exquisite, states of happiness, love and contentment.  Why?  I want to know why.  Of course, figuring out the answer wouldn’t change anything.  I could understand the entire universe tomorrow and it wouldn’t change a damn thing.  Which begs the question of why I should give a shit about anything, since knowing wouldn’t change anything and I’m eventually going to die anyways.

Did I chose to come here?  If I follow the logical and scientific evidence, which points to the existence of an external consciousness, then I must have made the choice to be alive at this moment.  Either that, or someone (some thing?) forced me to be here.  I’m almost leaning toward being forced to be here because this place is fucking nuts.

Of course, pointing out that this place is nuts exposes me as being a nut.  For if I wasn’t insane, I would take my own advice and stop giving a damn.  When you cease to give a damn, everything is just peachy.  Not caring if you have to crap in the woods allows one to be happy no matter what life throws at you.  Not worrying about finding food or shelter tomorrow means being in a state of bliss right now.   Not worrying about what some state sponsored thug is going to do to me for smoking a joint, not worrying about what Ben Bernanke is going to do to the money supply, not worry about anything is what allows a person to be happy right now.

It’s interesting how that works hey?

Fear is dependent upon the existence of memory, and memory is dependent upon the existence of time.  Without a memory of the past, it is impossible to be afraid of something that will happen in the future.  If you had no memory, and were simply aware of things as they were happening, you wouldn’t know enough to be afraid of anything.  Without a sequential flow of time, fear loses its potency.  Imagine if you could move through time at will, would you ever be afraid of anything?  Since you would know the future as well as the past, what’s there to be afraid of?  Fear requires a state of not knowing.  If you knew exactly what happened beyond the point of death, and if that state were to be quite pleasant, would you be afraid of dying?  We only fear death because we don’t know with total certainty what happens to our consciousness after the body dies.

So fear requires time and fear requires not knowing the future, but remembering the past.  There’s no reason why the universe should have come together with all the components that make life and fear a possibility.  It must have been intended to be so from the beginning.  We are intended to live in this global insane asylum, filled with fear and rage.  This experience is supposed to teach us something.  Teach me what?  Is all of this insanity really necessary?  Do I need to live here on this planet, at this moment in history, in this persona, to learn my “lessons?”  Why should I have lessons to learn anyways?  Who’s doing the teaching and who’s doing the learning?

Now that you’ve read my thoughts, ask yourself why you care what I, or anyone else, thinks about anything.  It’s all junk that doesn’t really matter, because in the end we are all dead anyways.  I think fear plays a role in what causes us to care about what other people think.  If I wasn’t afraid of the economy imploding, I never would have picked up a copy of Man, Economy and State.  I simply wouldn’t have given a damn.


  • Cheetah772

    You said, “I want to know what the hell the point of all this is. By “all of this” – I mean all of this. What am I doing here. Why am I alive on this rock floating through space, that is filled with several billion completely insane human beings, who all think it is perfectly rational to rob and murder each other. What the fuck is this place? What the hell is going on? Who in their wildest imaginings could ever dream up such an ingenious physical universe mixed with such stark raving lunacy?”

    Want to know why people kill each other? Want to know why this world is so messed up that even some of its so-called perfect places still end up in chaos? I can give you an easy answer right now, but it’s entirely up to you to believe me or not.

    The easy answer is….sin. What else could cause so much of pain, suffering, and senseless violence in this present world? In Romans 5:12 (KJV) “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” Again, it’s up to you to believe either Bible is true or not. We’re all born with sinful nature, and that is the humankind’s biggest problem, we are our own worst enemy.

    That is why God sent Christ to this world, Romans 5:15 (KJV), “But not as the offence, so also [is] the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, [which is] by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.” Without Christ, we are mere sinners, and sadly, this present world has for most part rejected the free gift of God, that is to believe on the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, acknowledging that you are a lost sinner in need of redemption through Christ, whose blood was shed on the Cross for all of our sins, and rose from the dead on the third day. You are condemned to suffer eternal fire, because sin cannot enter the kingdom of God, Galatians 5:21 (KJV), “Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” Nothing in this present world can help you. Nothing. Nobody is able to help you except for Christ, 1 Peter 1:18 (KJV), “Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, [as] silver and gold, from your vain conversation [received] by tradition from your fathers;”

    However, God made man for His fellowship and has grand plans for all of us, but we do have free will. Therefore, we have to decide on whether to accept Christ as our personal Savior or not. Romans 10:9-10, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

    That’s the best answer I can give you. Like I said, it’s entirely up to you to believe me or not.

  • Thank you for your complete honesty. I now know for a fact that I am not alone and trapped with my thoughts.

  • A Country Farmer

    Proximately, some physical laws, random genetic mutations and natural selection. As Joseph Conrad said in The Heart of Darkness:

    Droll thing life is– that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a
    futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of
    yourself– that comes too late– a crop of inextinguishable regrets.