Do Men’s Looks Matter When It Comes To Attracting Women?

This article continues to be one of the most popular posts on this web site nearly two years after I wrote it.

All issues men have in relation to attracting women can be boiled down to one phrase.


The bottom line is this gentlemen.  If you don’t think you’re worthy of the girl you’re hitting on, she isn’t going to find you worthy of dating.

If you don’t believe your own value as a human being and potential partner are worth more than her’s, then you’re basically begging her to do you the favor of dating you.  Women aren’t into charity when it comes to dating.

If you say, “a woman would never date me because I’m fat.”  Then you’re right, she won’t.  Not particularly because you’re fat, but because you don’t think she wants to date fat men.  Which means you’re automatically assuming your value is less than hers.  Which means you perceive your own worth as being less than hers.  Speaking of fatties dating hotties, check this out.  And hey, may be you’re not fat, you just look like a nerdy idiot with no sense of style – watch a nerd pull multiple hotties here.


RSD Pickup Instructor Luke


Luke in a three-way make-out.


RSD Pickup Instructor Owen (aka. Tyler)


Tyler in a three-way make-out. If these guys can pull girls, you can too.

If you say, “a woman would never date me because I’m a short balding Asian man.”  Then you’re right, she won’t.  Why should she?  Why should she date a guy who doesn’t believe he’s worthy of her?  There’s no way it will ever happen.  Speaking of short guys, here’s a great article about a 43 year old womanizing jockey who likes to date 19 year olds.  Here’s another one about a womanizing 3’11” midget with a 5’8″ wife, 14 years his junior.

The very fact you’re reading this article tells me you have self-worth issues.  How did you end up on this page?  What were you looking for?  Were you looking for validation of what you already believe?  Are you looking for me to tell you that being ugly is what’s stopping you from getting a date?

Imagine this scenario.  You see the hottest girl you’ve ever seen in your life standing in the produce isle of your local supermarket.  Are you afraid to hit on her?  Do you see yourself getting shot down brutally, so why even bother?  Because if you do, then you shouldn’t bother, because it’s never going to work.  You’ll just act like a terrified dork, which might be endearing but definitely not sex worthy.  If you’re just trying to be her friend, then that’s all you’ll ever be.

The only thing that matters is self-worth.  Big fat ugly guys date hot women.  Short balding Asians date hot women.  And sometimes good looking GQ models end up marrying fatties.  Why?  Because some guys value themselves highly and some don’t. Women never trade down when it comes to value.  They only date men whose value is higher than their own.

The beautiful and terrible thing about this is that the value women judge you on has very little to do with anything that is external to yourself.  Sure, being rich helps, being good looking helps, being tall helps, having a full head of hair helps, etc.. etc.. etc..  But you could have all these things and still fail when it comes to dating if you don’t perceive your own value as being higher than the girl you’re hitting on.

Of course, simply saying that self-worth is the only thing that matters doesn’t give you anything tangible that you can use to improve your interactions, so here’s an anecdote to give you a little example of what that means in a practical application.

I was out with a group of guys last weekend and we ended up going to a small club. One of the guys in my group happened to look like a model, he’s 21, works as a firefighter and a lifeguard.  Another random guy in the bar, who was hanging around next to our table, looked like some kind of jacked beefcake.  He was probably around 25 years old.  These two are bit players in my story.

So we are all partying and having a good time when in comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde and her somewhat shorter less attractive sister.  The blonde was 23 years old, 5′ 7″  125 lbs or so – smoke’n hot, a solid 9 or higher.  She starts dancing around having a good time and rather quickly makes her way towards the jacked beefcake who flirts around with her.  My model friend then turns around and starts messing with her too, so now there’s a little competition between the two for the girl’s attention.  The fact these guys looked hot drew her to them without them having to do anything.  They literally didn’t have to do anything except stand there.

As this is taking place, I’m watching how the two guys are behaving.  I recognized almost immediately that neither of them had any “game,” and were relying entirely on their looks to spark attraction with the girl.  They appeared over-eager.  They weren’t funny.  They weren’t taking control of the situation.  They were reactive, rather than proactive.  They just played around with her, dancing and talking with her.  She didn’t seem to mind, and I’m sure they both would have had a decent chance of hooking up with her had I let things continue on as they were.

As I’m watching this go down, I decided I was going to show these two how it’s done.  Now mind you, I’m 38 years old, and I’m certainly not a model or a jacked beefcake.  I’m just a software developer with a penchant for economics and blogging.

I butt my head into the group and eye-fucked the girl, which got her attention.  Since she’s dancing around, I gesture and posture myself in a way that makes it clear I want to dance with her.  At this point, no words have been spoken, it’s all been eye contact and body language.  So she comes over and starts dancing with me.

After about 10 seconds of dancing with her, I physically shove her away from me and start teasing her.  “Why are you putting your butt on me?  Who told you that was OK?  This shit ain’t free!”  – She reacted by immediately trying to grind on me even harder, which caused me to shove her away again.  I start shouting, “This isn’t going to work.  You’re too tempting.  You’re a temptress.  Get away from me you temptress!”  and I shoved her away yet again. I mean I forcefully pushed her off of me.

Now she’s just standing there staring at me, and I returned her gaze without flinching.  I pulled her into me and started dancing with her again.  I let her dance with me for another 10 seconds then I shoved her away again.  Then I reached out and made her spin around for me by raising her hand above her head.  We were eye-fucking each other the entire time.

I continued to amp this interaction up for another 10 minutes or so doing the same push-pull flirting until she had to run off to the bathroom.  The other two guys were left just standing there like stunned bumps on a log.  I shut them down so cold I don’t think they managed to get a single word in with the girl after I stepped in.

A while later the girl returns from the bathroom and gets a drink at the bar.  I notice her make her way back toward the beefcake, who she had repeatedly openly stated looked hot. As soon as I noticed her back flirting with the beefcake, I immediately walked over and started making a “shoo, get away from me” motion with my hands.  I didn’t say anything, I just used my body language to express a playful disgust with her.

(As a side note, I’ve seen this happen a few times where I get a girl highly aroused in a hyper-rapid fashion like this, and then she runs away for a bit and returns after finding some gigantic beefcake to cling to because she wants to see if you have the guts to pull her away from him.  Just do it.  99% of gorillas out there have no game and will not do shit no matter how intimidating they may look, and if you lose a girl to the 1% who do have game, so what?  Oh, and for those who don’t get it, playfully shooing girls away makes them come towards you.)

As soon as she saw me shooing her away, she turned away from the beefcake and started trying to grind on me again – so again, I went right back to the push pull.  Each time I pulled her back in after pushing her away, I physically escalated a little more.  I made monster sounds and pretended like I was going to eat her neck.  I kept leaning in trying to kiss her.  She kept leaning away each time and didn’t let me do it.  Undeterred, each time she leaned away from me, I physically pushed her off me.  Eventually I had her chasing me around bar tables like a little girl chasing boys on a kindergarten playground.

Soon enough we are back on the dance floor and it’s obvious that she’s completely aroused by the situation.  I licked her neck.  She attacked me and stuck her tongue down my throat.  It’s totally on at this point.  Game over.  The old software developer shut down a beefcake and a model boy to pull a stunner nearly half his age.

So let’s look at my behavior with a critical eye.  How did I pull this off?   Ask yourself how many of the men this girl has flirted with have ever pushed her away?  How many men have ever shooed her away?  How many men has she ever had to chase after?   I bet she could count the number on one hand.  I made it clear, almost immediately, that I was the prize, not her.  I was super playful, super fun, super arousing and super confident.

I wasn’t embarrassed to dance like a complete idiot. I didn’t hesitate to physically escalate.  I didn’t flinch with my eye contact. I didn’t ask her questions or try to get her approval, in fact I barely spoke to her at all.  I probably said less than a paragraph to her before I made out with her.  I didn’t even know her name at the time she stuck her tongue down my throat.  The entire pickup was virtually non-verbal.  95% of it was me physically pushing her away and then pulling her back in with flirtatious dance moves or making her physically chase me around the bar.

I think another important point here is that I never let her decide what was going to happen next at any point in the interaction.  I never let her dance with me in one position so long that she would get bored or that I would appear to be clingy.  I was the one who always broke off the “pull” part of the interactions first.  I was the one leading her around the bar. I was in control, she was following my lead.  In other words, I was proactive, not reactive.

When I was observing the two guys hitting on her, the fact they were bigger, better looking and younger than me only made me more confident.  I could see they were entirely dependent on their looks, with no “game.”  In my mind, this was like taking candy away from a baby.  It was so easy and fun it wasn’t even a challenge.

There should be no anxiety when approaching a girl for a date.  Anxiety comes from caring about the outcome.  And that’s only an issue if you perceive her opinion to actually be worth something – but it’s not.

Her opinion is worth shit.  It doesn’t mean shit.  Her opinion has the value of a five year old’s.  In reality, it doesn’t matter if she thinks you’re a big fat pile of shit or God’s gift to women.  What she gonna do?  Why should you care what she thinks about you?  If you care what she thinks, you’re already ascribing wayyyy too much unearned value to her.  She hasn’t earned the right for you to care what she thinks about you yet.  Being hot doesn’t make her opinion worth more than a can of beans.

Your a fucking man for Christ sake.  Act like it.  Walk up assuming she’s an airhead bimbo and the purpose of your interacting with her is to tease her with the opportunity of dating someone who is clearly way out of her league.  It doesn’t matter if you actually are “way out her league,”  it only matters if you believe you are.  Because if you don’t believe it, then you are going to fail no matter how rich, how good looking or how tall you are.

If you just stop to think logically about this, you’d realize that it is IMPOSSIBLE for women to be attracted to looks the way men are.  Just imagine for a moment you were a woman and you had the same sex drive you do now, only for men.  You’d be out getting boned non-stop, on the subway, in the gas station bathroom, EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME.  You’d never make it out of the supermarket because you’d be getting boned in the produce isle.

The world simply couldn’t operate like that.  Women would see a hot dude and immediately be trying to suck him off.  The world would implode.

Consider this situation, If a hot girl walks up to a random ugly guy and offers sex, unless he’s gay or the most faithful man on the planet, he’s going to take her up on the offer.  If a hot guy walks up to a random ugly girl and offers sex, what are the odds she turns him down compared to the odds of the guy turning the hot girl down?  As the videos demonstrate, only one girl out of 200 took the guy up on his offer.  So here we have empirical proof that women’s sexual attraction response does not work the same as men’s.  Because looks are such a small part of what makes men attractive to women, they can be easily overcome by demonstrating other attractive qualities.  Just look at Billy Bob Thorton for gods sake!

Here’s a little more science to bolster your confidence.  The pill makes women care less about how physically attractive a man is.  According to 2012 statistics, 98% of women have used birth control pills and and 62% of those of reproductive age are currently using birth control.  Since that’s not broken down by age, almost all the hotties you see at the club are going to be on the pill.

Let me try and put this another way.  Imagine you notice a perfect 10, but she has rather ugly hands and she’s missing a few fingers.  Are you really going to give a shit?  Because when women judge a guy’s looks, it’s like men judging how good a woman’s hands look.  I’m dead serious.  That’s about how much importance your looks have to women as a guy.  Now if you ask women directly how important looks are, they may disagree with this point, but there’s a million videos of ugly guys picking up women on the internet that clearly prove otherwise.

Watch a short, balding ginger make out with two hot girls at the same time.

If you look at the work put out by companies like Real Social Dynamics these days, all of them are saying the same things I’ve been saying for years now.  They don’t teach pick-up lines, they focus almost entirely on correcting self-esteem and self-worth issues.  See this post for a huge collection of related seminars and self-help instructors.

Leo from basically nails what women really want more accurately and concisely than just about anyone else I’ve ever seen – which is saying something, because I’ve watched thousands of pickup and psychology seminars:

Leo breaks it down into humor, confidence, edginess, and non-needy behavior.  These traits could be further boiled down into confidence and personality, or just simply personality.  How you behave is a million times more important than how you look or what you own.

I know this makes a lot of men furious, because it means there are no easy fixes.  Simply hitting the gym, getting a degree, making huge piles of cash or buying fancy shit isn’t going to do a damn thing.  They have to fundamentally change their personality, which is way harder than simply hitting the gym every day.  Changing personality means admitting your present personality is shit, which is something the ego will work furiously to prevent.

How To Overcome Shyness Around Women

I’ve given you my story.  I’ve shown you numerous videos of ugly guys hooking up with hot girls.  I’ve given you links to resources that show you how to accomplish this for yourself.  This is all I can do.  I can’t hold your hand and make you take action, I can only show you what is possible.

I know there are many men out there who have such enormous negative limiting beliefs and mental blocks in place that they refuse to believe the evidence before them. This is a great tragedy, and I truly feel sorry for these guys.  I wish I could do more to help them, but there comes a point where people have to help themselves for any progress to be made.

I purged the comment section for the revised article.  No trolling will be allowed.  If you don’t have something constructive or positive to say, your post is going to be deleted.  I will answer questions to the best of my ability.

  • Christian

    I speak from experience if you want to attract women you need to dress to win. They all like a guy with a tie on. Now I am not saying you can’t without but you have more options if you do. BTW this will spook your work into thinking your looking for another job. You may also be mistaken for the owner of the business. 🙂

    • Women like guys with ties because its unusual and because when a guy wears a tie, it puts him into a more confident mind state. It’s never about the looks directly, it’s always about how those looks impact the self-confidence of the guy.

      When you’re wearing a tie, are you going to act like a slob? Are you going to drool beer down the front of your shirt? Do you feel more like a pimp than an average chump?

      It’s not about the tie, its about the mind state the tie brings. You don’t need a tie, a suit, or a fancy shirt to pick up women.

      • Christian

        Well I have been married for nineteen years. So I don’t flirt or give any women any kind of reason to flirt with me. They are attracted to men who dress to win. That or I am just a stud. My friend I used to work with said they are attracted to men with wedding rings on. He even wanted to borrow my ring for a party once.

        • “My friend I used to work with said they are attracted to men with wedding rings on. ”


          It’s called pre-selection. Women know you must have something to offer because some other woman agreed to spend the rest of her life with you.

          That’s just how they think.

          That shit would never cross a guys mind. Guys might get jealous because some guy has a hot wife, but not because they think she has something to offer besides her ass.

      • Aaron David

        genious yes a tie . good job. if every guy could’ve just thought of that. thanks stud

  • Tom

    I’ve lived a lot of years and had a good share of wives and girlfriends. Women are interested in a man’s looks. If he LOOKS like he has lots of money, that is!

    • RustyBoltz

      There is that sect of women who are “gold-diggers” but it’s a relatively small club for the most part. Most people are middle class average types who don’t go to the club scene every weekend to land a hot young Wall Street stud. And to emphasize the point of this article, I’ve personally known a couple hot young studs that landed model types all the time. And ya know what? These guys were incredibly short and below average in looks. BUT, they did dress really nice, lived with confidence, and pretty much lived life how they wanted. One of them told me that he would only date physically attractive women. It was some kind of rule for him. I was always shocked at how gorgeous their girlfriends were.

      I’ve been told I’m pretty good looking, but because of low self esteem and some insecurities, I’ve blown so many opportunities because I couldn’t get past myself and didn’t know that some of these pretty women were actually interested in me. Though I can remember a couple times in my life I was caught off guard by the fact that a very good looking woman was interested in me and we had great conversation, etc. But it was because I was feeling so good during that moment (for some reason I was in a state of rare confidence) and she was so open and real that I couldn’t believe I was hanging out with such a beauty. So there you go, life experience. Cheers! 😉

      • Aaron David

        gorgeous girls are morons just like them. dont you get it. they offer shit. thats why they are together? now try to meet the standards of a bright gorgeous person. then you have a conversation

  • James

    Women are attracted to deluded narcissists?

    I knew it.

    • dan

      YES,THEY ARE.The bigger moron you are,the more girls will like you.

  • Jonathan Jaech

    Nicely written, MIchael. More could be said, of course. But you’ve made a good start.

  • Meg

    Um…actually looks matter.

    • Michael Suede

      It depends what you mean by that. Good looks make it easier for a guy to attract women, I’m not disputing that. What I’m disputing is this notion that good looking women base their attraction predominately on a guy’s looks.

      I know plenty of average looking guys who are dating model quality women. I see it every day with my own two eyes.

      • Joe

        How many approaches did they have to make to get those model quality girls? How many would you have to make? The bottom line is that if you are average, short, or ugly, you will need to display RIDICULOUS game to get even a cute girl. Tall, good-looking guys just have to be regular people. I’ve seen this play out many many times.

        • No debate there. I never said it was easy, just that it’s possible.

      • dan

        Personally I find good looking guys almost always have good looking girlfriends.I did years of experimenting on dating sites,setting up fake profiles with different pictures to see the response.Where the better looking profiles got responses,the less handsome invariably failed to garner any response, regardless of anything written into the profile description.A good looking guy with 1 dodgy selfie taken with their i phone and 6 word profile description gets about 10 times more interest than an average looking guy with studio quality pictures and a profile full of details about what a great guy they are and how many interests. As other readers have said, you are basically saying one needs to be delusional in order to attract women.
        You make the mistake, like many others, of believing you are what you think. The truth is, you are what you are, what you think has nothing to do with it. The cart does not come before the horse.Confidence must be based upon a realistic appraisal of ones attributes. People lack confidence for a specific reason,and that is they have a history of underperforming compared to their peers. Why would you feel confidence when you know their are many more talented,stronger ,smarter and better looking guys than you? Are you an elite athlete? Did you earn a doctorate or masters degree? Can you memorize all the numbers in the phone directory? Can you bench 200lbs? If the answer to all of the above is no,then you are a fool if you believe you are something special.The world is full of people who are better than you.You are not smart,talented or particularly capable as a human being.This is not a self defeating statement.It is a fact of life based on the observation of evidence.The question I would like answered is this.
        Given that one does not perform above average at any life skill or pursuit regardless of the degree of effort they apply, how would they convince themselves that they should be full of confidence?
        If I walk onto a battlefield unarmed, naked and start prancing about like an idiot,should I be confident of survival, or would it make more sense to remain concealed in my trench, at least until I have aquired some weapons which I think are comparable to what my enemy has? If those weapons are not available, should I run headlong into enemy fire, or should I surrender or retreat?
        I think the battle field is a good analogy to life in general.One reaches a point in life where they realise they are outgunned by their competition.Not because they gave up to easily ,or didnt have the guts.Its because a wise person understands people are not born equal.It may be politically incorrect to say that,yet it is the truth. Some people perform well and others dont, and it is mostly as a result of the way they were born and raised in very early life.What you do in your mature years has little bearing upon your attributes are as a human.

        • LOL

          Jesus Christ I feel sorry for you dude. You got so much emotional baggage you’re carrying around, it sounds like you’re about to sink like the Titanic.

          • pianodan marks

            Nice video, but doesnt strictly support your point.The ginger is not actually short.Hes also intelligent and witty.A lot of people dont even have that to work with.I can immediately tell he has never experienced genuine shyness at any time in his life either.So although hes not brad pitt,hes got a fair bit working in his favour that many dont.
            And frankly the girls who warmed up to him werent anything to write home about.
            If it means putting on all that bravado to make a spectacle out of yourself in order to get laid,well your plain better off going without…..

          • Tyler (Owen Cook) is 5’8″ tall and he was a monster dork when he was in high school. He did not get laid until he was into his 20’s.

            He is smart and witty, but that proves my point that personality matters more than looks.

            If getting laid doesn’t matter to you that much, then keep on acting like a shy insecure guy.

          • pianodan marks

            I am shy and insecure, as such any attempt to act otherwise is futile. You cannot disguise or veil shyness. Putting yourself “out there” may not be too good at overcoming shyness either. Often it does as much harm as good.I remain sceptical that shyness is even a treatable condition,despite the shrink communitys claims to the contrary.
            At best you might make modest improvements after 10 or 20 years of treatment,by which time its too late to bother with women anyways.

          • pianodan marks

            And the truth is what you think has no effect on whether someone finds you attractive.If you seriously think beleiving you have what your prospective partner wants will result in them actually wanting you, then you best be backing off the crystal meth.I mean, seriously, put that glass pipe away…….

          • Honorable1

            I used to be shy and the trick that worked for me is, fake it, pretend, act, fake it so long until you believe it yourself, until you forget you were shy in the first place.
            I am 6’0 285 lbs, I am fat…. but every time i in a new situation (job, etc.) i find the hottest girl there and start with her. And not to sound cocky but every girl i have dated would be a 10 to everyone else. When i talk to a girl, I don’t even think about what I look like cause honestly it doesn’t matter.
            So you think what if i get rejected? Well then you just got rejected by the hottest girl in the place, which is way better then getting rejected by the ugliest girl in the place.
            Also its like applying for a job, if you really want a good job you have to put yourself out there,
            You will get rejected, everyone does, you have to roll with the punches. Nothing gained easily is worth having.

    • Anthony

      Most people know that.
      Only dudes who are in denial, or are trying to sell (doesn’t have to be a product, could be an agenda) you something say different.

  • john smith

    i believe the strongest proof of this is serge gainsbourg he was rather unatractive and yet he slept with the most beautiful women of france such as bridget bardot or jene birkin and you cant say they loved his money since those women were already rich and famous getting a good looking man for them wouldnt be a slightest problem but they chose him, why? because he was self-confident and incredably charismatic. sure looks help, they help a lot but they do not decide anything.

  • Lane Gonzalez

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    attractwomen. info

    I had had exactly the same feelings, then a GOOD friend of mine recommended me the link and now I am a completely different person, talking with women with great confidence, knowing very well how and what to talk with positive results. I highly recommend it.

  • restv

    Delusional garbage.

    • Y

      Yes. Charismatic, confident men who are physically unattractive or even ugly truly are disadvantaged when it comes to women. This article accurately assesses the importance of masculine confidence, but confidence is only part of the complex equation of female attraction to men. Since women are human beings, they are also visually stimulated by others. Heterosexual women are visually stimulated by and sexually attracted to beautiful men, but what exactly constitutes masculine beauty is different from woman to woman, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This is the nuanced distinction that is missing from this article – women interpret masculine physical beauty in different ways according to individuated standards, but that male beauty is a crucial component of female attraction to men is irrefutable. Some women believe that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is drop-dead gorgeous, some do not. Some women believe Adam Driver is hideous, some do not. This is to be expect once one acknowledges the reality that men’s physical appearance matters to women; standards of beauty of course differ from woman to woman, but the crucial point that needs to be grasped among this diversity is that the concept of male beauty actually exists among women, and that it feeds into sexual desire and general attraction. As women become more financially independent and empowered, they will continually place themselves in a position where they can be more honest with themselves and with others about what kind of masculine beauty produces raw, sexual attraction in them, and they will also be in a position to not settle for less than what they actually desire. Many women will of course not be able to enter relationships with the men they consider the most physically beautiful, but the fact remains that the desire for those men still remains, regardless of what women actually articulate in defensive posturings.

      • Anthony

        All that needs to be said in one post has been said.
        You can simplify something that’s not so simple, plus to be honest most women aren’t going to give you an honest answer because of the way she will be perceived whereas men are sort of lumped together and expected to say they want somebody they find attractive.

  • John Gentile

    this is such a joke of an article. money and looks are all that matters. you can parade yourself around with all the confidence in the world but if you look ugly the only thing the women around you are gonna do is laugh and say” “who does he think he is!” lets get real. its heartless but that’s the way men and women are. heartless….

    • Y

      I completely agree. Charismatic, confident men who are physically unattractive or even ugly truly are disadvantaged when it comes to women. This article accurately assesses the importance of masculine confidence, but confidence is only part of the complex equation of female attraction to men. Since women are human beings, they are also visually stimulated by others. Heterosexual women are visually stimulated by and sexually attracted to beautiful men, but what exactly constitutes masculine beauty is different from woman to woman, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This is the nuanced distinction that is missing from this article – women interpret masculine physical beauty in different ways according to individuated standards, but that male beauty is a crucial component of female attraction to men is irrefutable. Some women believe that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is drop-dead gorgeous, some do not. Some women believe Adam Driver is hideous, some do not. This is to be expect once one acknowledges the reality that men’s physical appearance matters to women; standards of beauty of course differ from woman to woman, but the crucial point that needs to be grasped among this diversity is that the concept of male beauty actually exists among women, and that it feeds into sexual desire and general attraction. As women become more financially independent and empowered, they will continually place themselves in a position where they can be more honest with themselves and with others about what kind of masculine beauty produces raw, sexual attraction in them, and they will also be in a position to not settle for less than what they actually desire. Many women will of course not be able to enter relationships with the men they consider the most physically beautiful, but the fact remains that the desire for those men still remains, regardless of what women actually articulate in defensive posturings.

      • Jeff

        Good points, Y. Something tells me that the one who voted your comment down is an ugly man. I’m not the best-looking guy, but I still clean up pretty good. I know full well that the way I look helps me with women, but obviously some men are not that blessed.

    • Joe

      I don’t care how much “confidence ” you have if you are unattractive women will not give you the time if day. Period

  • Sarah

    Girls don’t sleep with guys on dates because girls are taught not to. See it from a girl’s perspective – if she sleeps with you, you might end up being a crazed attacker, you might expect a relationship or you might start stalking her. And her friends and family might call her a whore for ‘sleeping around’. It’s not so easy for women as it is for men. It’s not because she’s not attracted to a man’s looks. It’s because men come with too much drama to make a mistake – so she has to more selective.

    • Sven

      I was thinking the same thing as I read this article. I’m guessing the author lives in a big city where sexual boundaries are a lot more loose then in small-town USA. Most small-town girls have a similar perspective as to what you just commented, and maybe some small-town guys too. I wouldn’t expect to sleep with a girl on the first date, most girls I go with will make me wait till we are going steady. If she slept with me on the first date, she’d be “cashing in all her chips before seeing the flop”. I am really confident and good enough looking to date most any girl I want, but I don’t just date them for sex and I treat them with respect – which coincidentally makes them want to sleep with me even more. Maybe I am an oddball because I prefer to have a relationship instead of no-strings sex.

  • ian

    Yup, you can b et your life savings,……. ive been a model, i was (not now imin my mid 30s) the slimmest most attractive man werever i went, school, uni, clubs, on the train, i was very very good looking, know how many women i had ? ? ?? 1 prostitute that i payed for !!!! its a terrable shame im the biggest wimp on the plannet hahahah, oh well gotta learrn to live with being single forever i guess 1 !

    • J23A

      How can you be the most attractive guy in the room and not get any? Why the low confidence?

    • Daniel Lewis

      If you are so attractive, then why no picture???

    • Red Martian

      I thought when liked lean muscular guys. Not stick thin ones.

  • Jefferson

    “If you stripped Hefner of his wealth, he’d still be dating 27 year olds.”

    Yeah because there are plenty of broke 87 year old men living just off of their social security that are dating women young enough to their granddaughters

  • john doe

    this is the dumbest shit I ever heard, women 100% want money, every empirical study examining the matter has found this. 99%+ of marriages are of a woman to a richer man, the only other marriages are where both are very wealthy and a few million doesn’t matter. Women do not care about personality or love or your body or your confidence, only your money and ability to get more. Read buss 1989, 50 cultures covering some 5 billion people, finding women only want money, other factors account for almost nothing

    • Joe

      You are dead on on Joe. If you’re tall you have a fighting chance. If not hello to a lot of lonely evenings no matter how much game you have.

    • Bethany Brown

      I most certainly disagree with this comment.
      I would never even give a guy a chance to date me if he thought this. I am worth more than these thoughts. I love men who are not arrogant and who are quiet confident, don’t have to always speak their mind. Intelligence matters not ignorance like this comment.

  • Daniel Lewis

    I’m a very good looking guy, and I can tell you: this is utter bullshit. Money, and the appearance of money, get you a girlfriend. Period. I used to sleep with a lot of married women, but would they ever date someone like me? No, of course not. Money is what it comes down to. One woman in particular, a very attractive redhead who was a pediatric surgeon- married to an architect— loved fucking me, but she would not thinking of leaving her short, bald, small dicked husband. I’m good enough to bed, but not good enough to date.

    • I can see some issues in your statement, so I ask you to remain open to criticism.

      1. Why are you sleeping with a lot of married women? If I find out a woman I’m interested in is married, I wouldn’t try to sleep with her. If I was looking for a relationship, I would ignore her and move on to a woman that is emotionally available.

      The fact that you are seeking out married women is a sign that YOU are not an emotionally available person. You’re going after women who you instinctively know are not emotionally available. That’s great for a fling, but it’s hardly surprising they don’t want to dump their husbands for you.

      2. You seem to think that money is all important, while others on here seem to think looks are all important. You just proved my main point that looks don’t matter. Hot pediatric surgeon married to a short bald man.

      3. I doubt money is the reason she remains with the short bald guy. If she is a pediatric surgeon, do you think she would struggle to make it on her own? She could divorce him, take half the property and probably hose him for alimony to boot. The median salary for a pediatric surgeon is $388,000 a year, not including benefits or bonuses. I have a really hard time believing that she’s staying with this guy because of the money.

      She is staying with the guy because he’s emotionally available, and she’s using you as her boy-toy because of your body. You’re like a living dildo to her.

    • Aaron David

      thats sad that you cant get a girl to love you man. even if you were good looking maybe you need some wisdom to get love

    • Red Martian

      Somebody’s been reading too many erotic novels.

    • mark

      I have been sleeping with two married women, I was very regert about it because a real man would respect the people. I learned from mistakes and move on. I see you treat women like dirt which you don’t need to because they are humans like us. Good luck for stay as single for life because of your attitudes which women will not want you.

  • Steve Chan

    It depends on what kind of handsome you are. Are you like “hunky” handsome, “metrosexual” handsome (looks like a gay man), “charismatic and mature” handsome (which is the most attractive to girls I think). Since you said you’re once mistaken as a gay guy, I think you fall into the second category. Sorry, most girls don’t find this look attractive.
    I think for women being attracted to a guy is a combination of factors: looks, personality, chemistry, financial background, interesting job. If she’s serious about long -term relationships, you have to score on all those things with her. I don’t think most women (or most people) would get into a relationship SOLELY because of one dominant factor unless they are pyschos

  • A4SkyhawkScooter

    Actually, when it comes to getting a relationship off the ground to begin with, looks do matter, personality does not. Science had been telling us this for decades:

    “A landmark study in 1966 by the University of Minnesota–Minneapolis
    gathered a group of 664 student volunteers. The study showed that there
    was little or no difference between introverted and extroverted
    personalities when it came to being liked by a date. In other words,
    young college adults were primarily concerned about the physical
    attractiveness of their date.”

    • You are exhibiting what is called “selection bias” in your argument.

      You have presupposed some outcome and are finding evidence to support that outcome to the exclusion of other evidence.

      I’ve never argued that looks don’t make a difference, just that they are not the most important thing. Being good looking guy can get you laid, but being ugly with the right personality will also get you laid.

      From that same page you just linked, it notes:

      “Women are more likely to judge a man to be more attractive when they see another woman looking and smiling at him. For a male, the same man becomes less attractive.”

      As a side note, I have a 38 year old short little Asian friend who just picked up a 22 year old hottie the other day. He was dating a 24 year old model prior to that (taller than him too). He dumped her when she started demanding kids and marriage.

      • A4SkyhawkScooter

        Not at all, you’re the one engaging in red herrings. Other women smiling at him creates an artificial halo effect, and if there’s a lack of attractiveness, no woman’s going to smile at him unless he has money. Keep inventing your imaginary friends and spewing more excuses to justify the thousands you’re undoubtedly wasted on pick-up.

        For those of you who aren’t delusional, I highly recommend you watch FACEandLMS’s videos on YouTube.

        • It’s not artificial if it gets you laid.

          It’s like you’re trying to convince me the sky is green when I can clearly see with my own two eyes that it is blue.

          I see ugly guys with hot women ALL THE TIME. I see poor guys with hot women ALL THE TIME. I see it every damn day!

          You’re a pretty remarkable fellow to be able to ignore everything that’s in plain view every day. Do you live in a cave? Do you go out at all?

          • A4SkyhawkScooter

            How does getting laid make something natural? Do you even look at what you write?

            Ever heard of Looks Money Status? That’s what governs initial attraction of a woman to a man, and without initial attraction, the relationship doesn’t get started to begin with. Lack of looks can be compensated for with money and status. Due to the halo effect, for women “personality” and “confidence” are inevitably the result of a man’s attractiveness.

            I do go out once a week, while you sit in your mother’s basement making imaginary friends to delude yourself into thinking that you can escape your virginity.

          • So you think it’s simply impossible that I have a short Asian friend who dates models; therefore, I must be making my story up?


            Hey man, if you want to believe that you can’t get a girl unless you look good and have money, keep on with your bad self.

          • pianodan marks

            Hmm,u see poor guys all the time with hot women? None of the men depicted on your links are poor. None of the older celebrities you see with much younger women are poor.
            And since u dont have a taste for men,how would you even know if they were good looking or not? Its like having a beer only drinker judge wines for quality.

      • pianodan marks

        Just because your friends Asian, doesnt mean hes not good looking.Are you implying that all Asians are ugly? And height is far from the main determiner of physical attractiveness. Being short doesnt mean your not good looking.
        You failed to make a point.And dude, I can assure you 99+ % of 22 year olds would request payment in one form or another to go out with a 38 year old.

    • Red Martian

      Here’s the offender! Click on the link the poster provides. Now scroll to the very bottom of the page where the article cites its sources. Notice that Cosmopolitan is the first one cited.

      That says enough on it’s own I think but I’ll go ahead and call BS just the same. I don’t agree with Suede’s argument but neither will I side with Cosmopolitan.

      • A4SkyhawkScooter

        Nice try, but my citation didn’t use Cosmo. It used a book.

        • San Diego Clipper

          a Kapp, Cassandra. “10 Things You Don’t Know about Attraction.” Cosmopolitan. 2012. Accessed: May 12, 2012.

          Look familiar to you? No? It’s the first source cited in by the webpage you cited.

          • A4SkyhawkScooter

            Wrong again. My citation cited “Patzer, Gordon L., Ph.D. 2008. Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined. New York, NY: Amacom.”

  • hxcp

    “I’ve never – ever – had a good looking girl throw herself at me”

    Hot girls don’t throw themselves at anyone. They don’t need to. This should be common sense.

    “If all women really cared about was looks, why didn’t I get laid on all my dates?”

    Sorry champ but you aren’t as good looking as you think.

    “A super good looking guy isn’t going to get laid if he’s not confident AND arousing. Confident and arousing = attractive to a woman. An ugly guy who is confident and arousing will be VASTLY more successful with women than a hot guy who fails to be confident and arousing.”

    . You can mentally masturbate over a theoretical case of a hot guy who is a complete asperger case (hint: this doesn’t exist, attractive people are positively reinforced lifelong and love being themselves) but at the end of the day, so long as both guys put in equal amounts of effort to interact and date women, are socially normal and have equal money and status, the good looking guy will be more successful than the ugly guy

    ” My looks aren’t the issue, otherwise she never would have agreed to date me in the first place”

    She could be looking for a free meal or is on the fence about you and see how good you look in motion.

    “That is to say, if a man believes women find him unattractive, he will be unattractive”

    No truly, objectively attractive guy will believe they are unattractive in the first place. People know deep down how attractive they are and what league to lay in. Useless, false jargon. Even if Brad Pitt thought he was unattractive, he will still be attractive provided he acted like a normal human being. The statement is a logical fallacy.

    “Most guys assume this girl married Hugh Hefner for his money, but I highly doubt that.”

    Stopped reading there. That is enough for today. Fail article

    and lol at that chart at the end. Many women on dating sites are boyfriend hunters and ex carousellers who are “tired of games and players” and are looking for income and stability.

    • A4SkyhawkScooter

      Just to add to hxcp, the logical fallacy in question is the argumentum ad consequentiam fallacy.

    • incel


    • I see there is a whole little troop of you clowns that hate the idea of ugly guys getting laid for some reason.

    • Red Martian

      Oops. Wrong guy.

    • Aaron Bennett

      I disagree. I am a very attractive guy and I have mental issues, and social issues. I’ve done modeling in the past, am 6′ tall, toned, in great shape. I’m also a chem and math major, so I’m hot and intelligent, yet I have trouble getting a girl, though honestly, college is more important at the moment.

      I’ve always had social issues, but when I am in the mood and relaxed, I can hit on a lot of girls with pretty positive results, though nothing seems to ever come of it.

      I guess some of it is I am a nomadic minimalist, and have no urges to settle down, and I hate owning stuff.

      • You’re not alone. Social awkwardness is common among highly logical people. Dating seminars are often packed with engineers and IT people.

        Try this next time you hit on a girl.. get your hands on her. Don’t grab her ass or anything, but you need to get your hands on them and remember the purpose of what you’re trying to communicate “I want to bang your brains out.”

        Just keep touching. Touching is at least 50% of the game. I’ve seen guys pull girls and barely say a word to them. Body language and physical contact can be so powerful you barely have to talk.

        If it seems really awkward at first because you’re touching some girl you barely know in a suggestive way, that’s because it is. Just work through it. Keep doing it. Don’t stop until she tells you to knock it off or walks away. If she’s still standing there, assume she’s enjoying it.

        Confident men just assume women want them to touch and talk to them. They don’t ask, they just do. And if you get shot down or called a perv, so what? Chances are you’ll never see her again anyways.

        • pianodan marks

          So, let me check if im understanding you. Hot women actually want anonymous men who are not stylish or good looking to just walk up to them in a club and start caressing their nether regions out of the blue?
          Are you sure they won,t slap you across the face?What about all the other guys that are gonna wanna punch you out cos they interperet that as you harassing some girl who,at least ostensibly, you would have no chance with.

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  • Been There

    Relax. Start with a little mild conversation, a little humor( not tasteless jokes or comments.) If you make people feel relaxed and comfortable being around you, the rest will happen in it’s own time. Try not to have the I want to hump your leg look on your face…They see that. Ask them genuine questions and listen to their answer with genuine interest. You are already you…you know you…get to know them. Don’t touch them until the invitation is extended and if they want you to, you will know. Give them your attention, don’t talk on your phone or study other women as they walk by – I suppose that’s known without saying. Show them that you are genuine not desperate (that’s creepy). Your conversation should not be about past relationships…yesterday gets old, tomorrow is what people are interested in. Be positive, not boastful. Leave the dirty laundry at home not on a first meeting. Just give them a small taste of who you are, not the full bowl. People are like spaghetti, too much and you don’t want to see it again for a good long while. I think at a certain age, people start to look for something a little more meaningful than they did at 18 or 20. Be yourself, don’t try too hard. Act like a man not a boy. Be a gentleman and try making someone other than yourself the center of the universe and good things will come. Don’t show her your fancy watch or your pinky ring, don’t talk about your clothes or your shoes…she can have those conversations with her girlfriends. Cool never works for those that try too hard…be yourself.

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  • Lisa

    Haha your wrong, we objectify men and looks matter a lot. Just saying.

    • According to the data, ON AVERAGE women are much less concerned about looks than men. That’s not to say they don’t appreciate good looks, just not the way men do.

      When we are talking about aggregates, like “all women,” there are going to be plenty of exceptions. Do you know any good looking girls who have dated some ugly looking guys? I bet you do.

  • Red Martian

    I don’t think you can generalize people to the point the you can say looks are or aren’t important to them. As for the confidence bit I haven’t seen it work with my own two eyes; although I enjoy watching people fail with it (just for the laughs)

    • San Diego Clipper

      Looks definitely matter but vary by individual. If a girl is just out for a fling she’s going for the hottest person she can get, but if the woman is looking for a long term relationship she’s gonna be looking beyond appearance.

      I agree with you on confidence however. All the confidence in the world won’t make a difference if the woman is turned off by your looks.

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  • anonymous

    This is the biggest load of horse shit i have ever read. women care about looks and NOTHING else.

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  • scrapper

    Odds are you’re rating yourself as considerably more attractive than you really are and that explains your lack of success with women. For some reason, guys can never admit that they’re ugly. My brother’s friend, for example, is an objective 2, but the other day he announced that he is good looking (in the context of a conversation about why he will succeed in politics). Like you, he also complains about his lack of success with women, but is in denial about his homeliness being the cause.

    To answer your question, yes, men’s looks do matter. The problem is that men put such little effort into their appearance that few of them stand out as good looking. Women are then forced to rate you on factors other than your appearance. As a bisexual woman, I find men’s refusal to do anything to look good to be obnoxious. There are far more attractive women than their are attractive men, but if you took away the makeup, grooming, body hair shaving, etc, women and men would be about equally attractive.

    In summary: 1) no, you are not good looking, you’re just delusional like many guys who do poorly with women; and 2) if men would make more effort to look good, then perhaps there’d be enough attractive guys for appearance to become a larger factors in women’s mate selection process.

    • Are you addressing me, the author of the article?

      1. All of my girlfriends have been outrageously hot.

      2. I don’t have a problem dating good looking women.

      3. Unless you’ve seen my videos, how could you even know what I look like? How could you judge my looks without ever seeing me?

      • scrapper

        Why yes, I am addressing you, who else could I possibly be talking to? Also, no, you do not date good looking women. You’ve already proven yourself to be a delusional narcissist. Also, if you consider grooming “separate issues apart from the body and face” you’re doing it wrong.

        • You should get a job as a psychic. I’ve never met someone who can judge people’s looks without seeing them before. That’s a pretty neat trick.

          In reality, you’re proving my point for me. You’re judging me NOT based on my looks, but on my attitude. The angrier you get, the more you prove my point.

      • San Diego Clipper

        What an effing joke! “All of my girlfriends have been outrageously hot.” You sound like a juvenile bragging in middle school; one that may never have even touched a girl.

      • pianodan marks

        All your gf,s were outrageously hot?
        ,fraid not.
        Is this a self help article or a shit talkers forum?Where,s the pictures of them?
        This article is more laden with rot than i first cared to imagine.

  • Lana

    Have you ever considered women don’t want to have sex with a guy they don’t see a future with? Why are you assuming the purpose of dating is to have sex? Women date to get married and have babies (duh). So that explains why you’re not getting laid. And of course looks matter. Dating is like a staircase. Looks are the first stair and then personality is the second. So looks will get you that first date, but personality gets you the second one. Furthermore, if a guy tried stroking my thigh within 30 minutes of meeting me, I’d be out the door in a flash.

    • Who said I’m not getting laid?

      Each person is different. Most women, if they meet the “right” guy, will make out with him in under an hour. I have plenty of first hand experience with this.

      But thanks for supporting my assertions. Looks are just one tiny step that can easily be overcome. That’s not how it works with men. Men see a hot girl and immediately want to have sex with her, regardless of what her personality is like. She could be the biggest bitch in the world and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.

      Personality is key.

  • k6

    Men are total idots and this article proves it. Ever wonder why so many women are moving towards women? Guys are Broken X’s. Lesser of the two sexes…females are the default…ugh. The bullet points are hysterical…any woman that responds to that…well a female wouldn’t. Pathetic little man twits.

    • k6

      Oops, I thought that was my inside voice. Men are wonderful and all your bullet points sound great! Sounds great, lets do it!

  • AK887

    Ugly guys / Average looking guys can pull girls that are out of their league using game, but that is usually girls that are looking for a rebound and wanting to f*** anything that moves at that stage in their life. They are looking for attention. Once they start feeling good about themselves they will go find somebody that is more in their league.

  • Seriously Speaking

    It is the ugliest men today that do have the beautiful women, especially when they have a lot of money.

  • Seriously Speaking

    Most of the ugliest men nowadays have the beautiful women. Then again, women love men with money too.

  • dahszil

    in laissez faire capitalism the number one priority is if a guy has got lots of money. sad but true

  • Joe

    This article is BS. It’s not that looks are not important to women. It’s more that you have to be good looking PLUS have a bunch of other qualities. This is a bad thing. If women just relied on looks, then all of the good looking guys would get the girls and the rest of us would just learn to be happy not getting women.

    Do looks matter? Of course. I’m a short guy (height is part of looks). How can you tell me, as a tall guy, that this does not matter to women? From my observation, height is the most important thing to women. Women hate short guys and they also hate ugly guys. Sorry man, but you don’t know how it feels to be either of them.

    Sure, some girls will give us a chance here and there, but we literally have to be perfect to get a girl. I’m not perfect so that’s that.

    • Joe

      I couldn’t agree with you more Joe. If you’re tall you at least have a fighting chance even if you are ugly

    • J

      I know I’m short as well (plus I’m asian), but this article is to improve confidence regardless of your looks. I’m pretty shy myself and need to overcome that. Use the skills that you know that have worked for you, you’d be surprised what kind of girls will be attracted to you. For example, I had a crush on a really hot girl in high school one time and she tripped on something and fell down, I helped her up and comforted her to make sure she was alright. The next day, she became really friendly and wanted to get really close to me and everything, unfortunately I chickened out and didn’t go any further, that’s one way to get noticed. I also got noticed when I would play with my guitar in a local band.

  • Quality, bitchez, not quantity

    BAAAHAHAHAHAHA I call bullshit – hardcore. I have looks, style, fighting ability, I’m fiercely intelligent and I’m extremely confident with phenomenal social skills. (Zero fucks given if that sounds arrogant, I work very hard on further bettering myself every day)

    That said, I’ve pulled very few girls in my time, regardless of all of the aforementioned, and being trained in hip-hop and bboy style dance. What’s the reason? 5’3. I’m secure, but don’t bullshit and say it doesn’t matter, ’cause to every one of you shallow idiots out there, it DOES matter.

    Stupid ass article, uneducated person. Sayin’ it how it is.

    (btw, I’ve seen tall guys with no sense of humour, no confidence and no intelligence pick up hot girls easily, and I’ve seen it a lot so again, please stop with the bullshit)

    • pianodan marks

      I always wandered, if picking up was about personality, why I get along superbly with absolutely everyone I come into contact with,have so many friends that I have no time to even see most of them and just generally have a smacking old time getting people to like me, yet when it comes to approaching anyone for sex or romance, suddenly all the smiles are withheld, eye contact is avoided ( not by me,but by them). On dating sites they love me and my personality when someone elses picture is on the profile,but if I put my picture, its all about the sound of crickets chirping.I would bet 1 million cash in hand that no person could get a reply from any 5 or over girl on a dating site,provided my picture was on there.Tried for 15 years, not even a nibble.In 15 years never even got a reply from a 4 out of 10.Im sorry folks, but optimism or otherwise,it aint happening.Maybe approaching women in real life is completely different from online,but my guess is that if they dont want a bar of you online,why would they change their mind when they see you face to face?
      If you even so much as look towards attractive women,they instantly avert their gaze to avoid yours, maintaining a fairly unimpressed look on their face.Somehow I dont think being confident can override the fact that its over in the first 1 second of them even looking at you…

      • John

        Dude, online dating doesn’t really work the way you think it should work. It’s a good tool, that’s all I see at as, I gave up taking online dating too seriously. You’re right, if you’re not the ideal physical type, you will just look like the run of the mill type of guy and not stand out. I know what you’re talking about with wanting to catch really hot women’s eye, I’ve done the same thing and I failed (even though I have a nice looking face). Obviously, there’s more of a challenge if you’re not good looking (and I’m an short asian guy btw), but it’s not the end of the world, if you really stand out, like do a magic trick, play an instrument, or saying sarcastic funny things etc etc, your looks won’t matter at all.

        • pianodan marks

          Beleive me dude, the looks are gonna matter. Go play an instument.I do, but do girls find me attractive because of it? no. I say funny things. Still no secret admirers???? My house is paid off.Ill even scrub the floors and do the dishes while she goes shopping.Theres no girls knocking on my door.Where are the women you say will be so attracted to me because looks dont matter????

  • pianodan marks

    At the end of the day, girls are stupid.The biggest reason for anyone not picking up is that theyre a decent guy. Girls Dont get attracted to polite,decent guys.They are attracted to obnoxious,foul mouthed and abusive men.I know a guy who has 8 inches of ass crack showing above his belt, doesnt even wipe that clean after taking a shit.Hes about as dumb as it gets, smokes more weed than even a mexican drug cartel could supply.Hes foul mouthed, abusive, fat and in shithouse shape.Yet girls like him.
    So there you have it,if your a decent guy,you need to forget about women, cos rest assured they wont want you. Do yourself a huge favour and stay single.Sex is hugely overrated and men and women have nothing in common and so dont make for good friends either

    • John

      Very pessimistic view sir. Wanting or having sex is not a bad thing, that’s normal human behavior and I don’t think picking up women is just about being obnoxious. There needs to be a balance, and no girl is going to turn down a decent guy but if you’re boring, why would any girl or guy for that matter would want to hang out?

      • pianodan marks

        Normal behaviour or not, it,s overrated.big time.Batting off wins hands down.A womans vagina doesn,t do even half as good a job as my hand……..
        Frankly the times i had sex it was rubbish.wouldn,t waste a minute of my life looking for it again.

  • John

    Yeah, great article, I’ve actually learned a lot from reading this. I’m a short asian guy, and I’m pretty shy, but I totally get where you’re coming from, and the youtube video really does make sense. I’ve hung around with pessimistic people, and stopped hanging around with him, he was really irritating.

    • ben

      You learned a lot from the article.Did u find a girlfriend because of it?
      You stopped hanging around pessimistic people,did u find a girlfriend scince?
      You still single?

      • The purpose of the article isn’t so much to teach, it’s to answer the question posed in the title. Rewiring your brain to become more positive and self-confident is something that’s going to take more than a single article to accomplish. The article simply shows you what is possible.

        • ben

          Well, I’m getting old and don’t really have many years left to work at getting good with women.I,m a particularly slow learner, so what takes another 3 years takes me 5 or 10.
          The answer to the question in the title is already well known.It is %100 proven that looks matter a great deal.What you are talking about is mitigating the inevitably degrading effect that comes with lack of physical beauty.What you are saying is that the less attractive can improve, but it’s slow and still doesn’t get one to the same place as a good looking person.

          One study in the 60’s paired up people at a dance. They found that the
          only determinant that predicted the degree of “liking” of their
          date and desire for subsequent dates was physical attractivness. Another
          study found a 0.89 correlation, another a 0.69 correlation. Perception
          of physical attractiveness was better correlated than “similar interests”
          or “character”.

          Interestingly, while physical attractiveness appears to be the biggest correlator
          and predictor, it rarely appears as most important when directly asked of
          subjects. Attributes like personality and character usually rank higher.
          Either people are not aware of how important physical attractiveness is
          in their selection criteria, or they are not fully honest.

        • ben

          About hypnotherapy, it doesnt work for most people.its a psuedo treatment. The cases where it works is because of the placebo effect.It doesnt actually do anything.

        • ben

          Also your post is biased, because when someone gives examples of studies which prove looks are more important than all other qualities,you ignore it and leave it out.Solid scientific research that shows personality does not effect success in the dating world,you dont accept it.You are not facing up to what the evidence says.You are ignoring what actually is happening to people to keep alive your bullshit belief.
          You are wrong and that is unquestionable fact.
          The treatments you prescribe do not work.

      • Robert Jones

        Why does a good sum of people believe that relationships make someone valuable? They do not. With all due respect Ben, it’s none of your business if John is single or dating, or even married for that matter. He didn’t have to comment. But did you have to insult him further? Must you tear someone down to use them as a stepping stone onto your soapbox? I could call you out for hypocrisy here.

        “Finding a girlfriend” is not the objective of the article as Mr. Suede below has explained quite well. Not even hooking up has anything to do with it.

        A man — or woman for that matter — doesn’t have to be in a relationship to feel happy, or valued. A couple should feel value — mutually — before even beginning a relationship.

    • Winner

      Optimistic people can also be irritating,with all their plans of what they CAN do and what their GONNA do,and what is so easy to do.But then they never end up doing any of it.

  • Brenden Kaemmer

    Here’s the huge PROBLEM in all of you negative people’s assumptions:

    You people think that game is even about something fancy. You think that game is hard. You think that looks matter because you see handsome men get women without doing shit.

    Here’s Why: Those handsome men know they are handsome, and project that. They don’t need fancy game. They just walk up to girls, talk about relationships and sex and see where it goes. Its very very easy. Its all about connection and seduction. You don’t need mountains of confidence or lines to seduce a girl, you just need isolation, connection, and set a sexual frame. The value of the interaction is true human connection, and if you’re aiming for anything other than that, you’re going to end up VERY unhappy and confused. If she doesn’t like it, it wasn’t meant to be and all the worrying about your looks in the world won’t make a difference.

    But, there are two sides to this:

    Heres another Truth: Women are HYPERGAMOUS. that means they will always seek a mate that fulfills their evolutionary needs of security, leadership, and masculinity. Yes, women are attracted to money and looks because they are reflective of the most important things about a man: The decisions he makes on a daily basis that builds into a process that keeps him healthy, social, happy, and wealthy. The most attractive thing to most women is that a man would make an incredible FATHER. DUH. These are things you should be doing whether women like them or not. Stay clean, stay in shape, and you’re good.

    • pianodan marks

      You said the most attractive thing to a woman is that a man would make a incredible Father.I’ve been told MANY times before I would make a great father, yet still i do not attract women?
      And in your example you said a man doesn’t need mountains of confidence or lines to seduce a girl, but you said in the same paragraph that good looking guys pick up because they know they are good looking and that is what produces their confidence and makes it an easy process. So what you essentially said is that confidence is required to pick up, and that confidence is obtained by possession of elite qualities or traits,such as good looks.
      And you are right that women are attracted to masculinity,leadership etc. Do you understand that masculinity has a genetic origin? More mascculine men are that way do to the genes they inherit.Even assertiveness and leadership skills have a strong genetic component. So even if looks arent the whole picture, the other factors that are gonna help you out are beyond your control anyway.So your screwed either way. I can try to be leader of the pack or outgoing and assertive to attract women, but it just doesnt work that way. That is not the character I have inherited and nothing I or anyone else do will change that.We are no more in charge of personality than we are of looks.We inherit the personality that our genes and childhood gave us.You cant become a new person in adulthood, because this is just not the way the human brain and life cycle operate.Many of the formative processes that made us who and what we are cannot be repeated in adult hood,under any circumstances.This is evidenced by the fact that decades of experimenting with “brainwashing” has shown that you cannot permanently alter a human beings core beleif system with any known process.You cannot “brainwash” a human no matter what you subject them to.They return without exception to the core personality and beleif system that had prior to brainwashing, albeit often somewhat impaired…….

  • whatever

    congrats everyone sees the light of things… whilst many others seem to be inspired by women, none of them have any interest or could even be bothered to date me. I act myself, stay cool, and why is it desperation to have a girlfriend? I am sick and tired of being alone for four freaking years, whilst im in my thirties why is it bad to find someone or some companionship???? I dont get this whole crap, or maybe it’s just bad luck….. The only thing I do great is teach women how to act in relationships… they make mistakes on my expense and finally learn how to behave and settle down…. love it… 😀

    • pianodan marks

      why do you need companionship? you already have it.Im sure you have friends and associates who can offer better companionship that a ” relationship”.people confuse romance for companionship.they are 2 different things.Trust me,the regular friends you already have or even a dog are gonna give you better companionship than a “partner”

  • pianodan marks

    I just proved yet again that looks trump any and all other qualities.I made two profiles on a dating site,one my picture, the other a good looking guy.I managed to get a response to both profiles from a “target” and kept replying regularly from both profiles to this “target” profile(who is only a 6 out of 10 BTW).The profile with my picture indicated I was wealthy, educated and a fabulous guy.The other profile was just very basic with v littel detail.I actually established I had quite a bit in common with this target individual,offered to give a professional massage to their sore back,they declined.Offered to play them a song on the piano, they declined.Yet the good looking guy was able to extract a ph. number without delay, despite having established no common interests or even having really discussed a single thing about each others lives.Virtually without even having spoken the good looker had it signed, sealed and delivered.Yet even with a full gamut of excellent credentials ,and having actually spoken and communicated at length, the target individual flatly refused any contact outside of the dating site with a less attractive guy (me)
    I have seen this occur every time without fail that a good and bad looking guy are compared.I have proven over decades that there is simply no way whatsoever decent looking individuals will date ugly men.They go for better lookers every single time without question.

  • Marcus

    Lol, how can you possibly say imply that confidence makes any difference? Let me break it down to you like this:

    Two girls are in a club, and a handsome guy, 6 ft with a decent physic, asks to buy her a drink. She’ll be all over him in a matter of seconds. Now let’s say somebody who isn’t so handsome. Has a slight gut, not so great on the looks, but displays the same amount of confidence the handsome guy has shown. She’ll turn him down in an instant and probably go on her little social media account putting “ew almost got raped by a creep” or something. Confidence makes no difference. Lying to yourself just makes you a laughing stock to women, it doesn’t make you attractive. I’ll break it down to you in another way if you think I am being delusional. If a guy is tall, handsome or has a good body but at the same time he is totally shy and has no confidence, girls will deem him as a cute guy, a soft teddy bear. An average/below average guy that has no decent body who has the same attitude as the one just described, women will just deem him as a loser that simply has no hope and might as well hire a prostitute or something. The only thing that matters in your personality is if you’re a total a**hole, and even then your looks play a part in that, because if you’re an underaverage guy who is an a**hole, you’re basically at Adolf Hitler status of being hated, but if you were a looker, it would be hilarious to them. This article is just a bunch of cliche’s mixed together that tell people what they wish was true.

    • Michael Suede

      Perhaps you didn’t see the video.

      • hammer time

        The article is cods wallop.Like I said you cant change personality any more than you can looks. In fact some would say its even harder to change personality than looks.So either way, nothing you do is gonna change your appeal to women.Either you attract them naturally, or you don’t. The guy on that video isnt even ugly, plus we dont know if he slipped the girls date rape drugs, or if they were paid off for doing it….

        • Michael Suede


          I love the comments on here.

  • letmepostalready

    so women dont give a crap about their own personal desires? They have no dream guy? They are attracted to nothing? They simply cater to what a man thinks he deserves? Bob is short, fat, ugly and confident and thinks he deserves Jane. Jane puts aside all her personal tastes in men and must be with Bob cause Bob deserves it? Are women really that pathetic?

    • Brenden Kaemmer

      No. Personal Desire and attraction for women is just a little different obviously. While there are no absolutes in anything pertaining to social dynamics, women TEND to be attracted to self-esteem and success. And, all women have different life goals, different measures of success, etc.

      Being with beautiful women is about being the best you can be, putting yourself out there, learning the process of seduction, connecting with women that relate to YOU, and not letting anything as stupid as “looks” hold you back. Sure, if you’re hideous, the game may be a little harder. But, are you gonna whine about it? Or are you gonna be a fucking man and hit the gym and start talking to hotties?

      The whole point of this article is: YOU HAVE NO EXCUSES. Whatever it takes for YOU to be attractive to women, DO IT.

      • sfaffd

        You don’t seem to get it.Going to the gym is not going to give you appeal to women.They really couldn’t give a rats behind if you are ugly,but in good shape.
        I have a body like Bruce Lee, yet is does squat to attract women.I don’t bother working out much any more because it just doesn’t help attract women at all.
        Most of the things that really determine your appeal to women are outside of your control,so you might as well stop this “man up and do something about it” talk.What are you going to do? Give yourself new genes to make you handsome? Relive your youth and childhood so that you develop normally and confident,free from shyness like the others who had better childhoods? Dont think clothes or a haircut will do anything either, that’s barely fiddling at the edges.

      • pebbles

        One big problem for starters is that attractive women are virtually never single.I’m not sure I have ever even known any that were single.You have to be incredibly lucky to meet one at the right time when they are not already with another guy.
        Also “hitting the gym” is not going to make you attractive to women.90%of attractiveness is determined by facial characteristic.This is true for both men and women.So body type and clothing etc. are small factors.
        So, yes it seems there are excuses…..

        • Excuses to what? Excuses for being a bitch? Excuses to sit on the couch and stuff your face with ding-dongs while you cry about how shitty your life is? Excuses for not going out and trying?

          • pebbles

            Going out and trying?Phhh. Waste of time.Been there,done that.You could try all you like to win the olympic 100m freestyle.Train 16 hours a day, 7 days a week for all I care, but you wont win shit.It works the same way with women.You have to be genetically superior to get ahead,and that is the way nature intended it.You know,natural selection and all….

          • pebbles

            You know, all this self belief, all this positive talk.It really is a load of utter crap.Some people are just so niave about the nature of life.Positive talk does nothing to get you anywhere.Self belief, likewise does nothing.The way you are born is the main factor, along with fate and luck.Sorry, but thats the truth about life………

          • I understand if you want to sit around on your ass and be a big lazy sack of shit. What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to comment on this site in an attempt to drag other people down to your level. Why not just sit in your room and leave the people who want to better themselves alone?

          • pebbles

            I,m not big or lazy.I work 16 hours a day and I weigh 68kg.I go for 10km runs 3 times a week.
            What do you do?

          • pebbles

            Your an idiot……

          • Brenden Kaemmer

            Actually, you’ve just been taught that life rewards the cautious. You’ve been taught that all your counting, thinking, and reasoning is somehow going to make you happy once you somehow deduce that you will never be a sexual being. Life rewards only the driven. Just like you said, NATURAL SELECTION. Which men’s genes are still alive today? The most successful FATHERS. It’s so simple, but you would rather live in a world of delusion where women are a source of misery and squalor, and not the love, joy and splendor you were born to experience.

          • pebbles

            Funny how all the partnered/married guys i know complain relentlessly about how their lives suck,that they get no sex and they continually tell me NEVER to get married!

          • pebbles

            Also, I love how the O.P, his honorable Mr Suede, keeps editing the replies to his post,omitting those he disagrees with,so he can save face and appear as though he knows what he’s talking about.
            Superb tactics there! We are all so thoroughly convinced now that ugly fucks are going to get all the women they want.No limits and all.Ha.How could any of us ever have harbored any doubts about ourselves?

          • this post is rat shit

            Mmm.Like the other week when I went to the club with the topless waiter,I was all confident and collected.Did I confuse those daggers for lust? The disgusting way that girl looked at me, what appeared to me as contempt, was actually an open invitation disguised by my own self doubt?
            If I just stop doubting myself, the looks of disgust will turn to looks of admiration and desire? Hmm,how stupid of me not to realise this………..

          • pebbles

            Just as you say, the genes from the most successful fathers are alive today.That is to say, the genes from the men who were born with the best genes are still alive today.I’m not sure if you get this or not,but mother nature did not intend for the kind of people who are reading this blog to ever procreate. As far as mother nature is concerned,we do not belong in the gene pool.You can’t hide bad genes with a suit and tie, and you sure as horse shit can,t hide them by being driven to succeed.If I ask out 10 000 women,and they all say no,is it because I was not driven enough? If I spend 10 hours a day in the gym only to have girls look at me with disgust,is that because I wasn’t driven?
            Drive is not worth a pinch of S***t unless you have the talent to go with it.

    • ben

      superb reply.Like if i just say to myself i am good enough for Angelina Jolie, she will be attracted to me.Hmmm.That makes perfect sense.Angelina Jolie doesn’t care about Brad Pitts money or looks.,She would just as soon marry some stupid , ugly, turkey dropping from down the road,so long as he believed he was good enough for her………

  • Sonali Chandna

    I think from my experience on this free online dating site – I have found that I rate profile photos, complete and proper profile information with great photo album as essential if I will reply to a man’s message in dating website.

  • Brian

    “Women aren’t into charity when it comes to dating.”

    Wow, talk about ‘giving yourself away’..

    So, let me get this straight:

    Women aren’t into charity, yet, the average woman (american, anyway) expects the man to have nothing but 100% charity to the woman..?

    Think about that FACT for a second..

    now what does that say about you women??
    (not all women of course, but probably about 90% of all, modernized women)

    A word starting with the letter G comes to mind..

    This describes a woman that could care less about WHO that man is.. but cares solely about what that man can give them.
    How much “charity” the man can provide,
    while blatantly admitting that the woman feels absolutely NO need to provide ANY charity to the man.

    Is that really what you call “love”?

    Can you really say that “love” is what you seek, when you make such a clear definition of how shallow you are??

    Not that you ever said that “love” is what you seek, as you certainly made no such affirmation..

    And people wonder why well over 50% of marriages don’t last…

    What a sad, sad, SAD world we live in today.

    Blows my mind

  • Men’s Sexual Revolution

    I’m sorry, but there is WAY too much denial in society about this subject. Looks DO matter to women — A LOT. However, they are pressured by society to settle for less than what they want or remain single. Just because you see mismatched couples does NOT mean she is truly attracted to him! It is only and illusion. Yes, women date less attractive men, but not for reasons most men want to believe. Women can only truly love a man who is physically attractive. It is absolutely IMPERATIVE that men wake up and realize the truth of what is really happening if they want to find a woman who truly loves them.

    I have written an entire book on the subject, which is free. I am not selling anything. I am doing this straight from my heart, and out of concern for my fellow men.

    Download my free ebook “Pandora’s Box: The Men’s Sexual Revolution” at this link:

    I assure you, the ideas in this book will open many men’s eyes to the real reason behind the neurotic, typical female behavior that frustrates us all. The reality isn’t pretty, but there is hope, provided we are willing to work together and try something that has never been done before.

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  • peter

    Some questions about the article.You said “her opinion means shit”. Yet no matter how many times a person recites that in their head,it will not reduce their inner belief that her opinion “does mean shit”. Do you understand that you telling your readers “her opinion means shit” and them reciting that to themselves will have zero effect when it comes time to approach her.when it comes to the crunch, they are going to care about her opinion no matter what you tell them.So there is no practical use in you telling your readers to disregard her opinion.So other than saying “her opinion means shit”, which will make no difference to how they feel when it comes time to approach a woman, is there a practical way to reduce ones care about the opinion of others?
    Secondly, you said you just butted in on the beefcake and model and started dancing next to the girl.However most of your readers don’t dance and would be to shy or self concous to even do that.Even if they forced themselves to do it, the degree of unease with which they did it would stand out like dog balls and essentially result in them being humiliated and make whatever shyness they already had become even worse.
    And in the event that it didn’t quite work out for someone who tried this method, they would be left feeling pretty stupid,embarrassed and humiliated, wouldn’t they.I mean dancing like an idiot next to some hot girl who is just ignoring you or joking about you with her buddies is gonna leave a shy person essentially emotionally ruined for life.They are gonna be twice as timid and doubtfull next time around,aren’t they? Don’t forget that these shy people know that everyone in the club is acutely observing them (lets face it, it doesn,t go unnoticed by many when someone cracks onto a hottie in a public place like a club) So woulodn’t you say there is really extremely high risk of humiliation in that environment,which a shy person will not be able to deal with well?
    You make it sound easy,but it really is impossible for people who have self esteem issues or suffer from shyness.Just acting in the way you describe is quite impossible unless you do not experience any form of shyness at all to begin with.It is inevitable that a shy person will not succeed if they try to do what you describe in the article.
    So what you actually need to do is teach people not how to approach women, but how to cure shyness. So do you actually know how to cure shyness? I have tried many things over many years but none of them have reduced my what can reduce shyness? I have even seen psychiatrists about shyness but still suffer from it very badly.I am petrified of what other people think of me and I have been that way all my life.Nothing I do seems to reduce my shyness or self conciousness.Absolutely nothing at all…

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  • adam

    I have a question if the ugly guy gets into a relationship with the girl how can he avoid a hot guy with game from stealing her ?

    • By not being a clingy obsessive jerk that walks around constantly in fear of hot guys taking his girlfriend.

      If a man fully accepts that women do not base the majority of their attraction on a man’s looks, but instead on how he behaves and talks, he’s going to be much less concerned about hot guys “taking” his girlfriend.

      Women aren’t property. It’s very attractive to a woman when a man doesn’t get jealous or needy over her.

      Further, a confident man will know that he can get another girlfriend at the drop of a hat if the one he is presently with fails to live up to his standards. He’s going to emit that vibe and she’s going to know it. Women will never leave a guy who gives off that vibe.

      • Kevin

        Michael I do not agree with the vibe thing. I have seen women leave men for “hotter guys” alot. When i lived in LA and NYC I used to see it quite frequently. The women would bring these guys into parties, functions and such and they were like arm candy. The relationships did not last long but they would find another hot guy and hook up and on and on. Women today are a different type of person. They look at men like buying shoes. We have become disposable to many of them.

        Also I am not quite sure a ugly guy can get another girlfriend that is any quality that easily. Attractive women today are very picky and they can choose who they date, so why would the date an ugly guy? Because he is funny? Maybe it the movies but real life. Sorry but this is not reality.

        • From my perspective, it’s like you’re trying to argue that the oceans are red rather than blue. I can see the videos with my own two eyes. I can go out and meet girls as I please. I see ugly men with hot girls all the time. Your argument doesn’t even make sense to me. It’s not even a possibility within the definitions of the English language.

          • Kevin

            Michael I do not even know if you are living that life. You might be or not. I have no idea. What I can tell you is that the RSD video proves nothing. I have taken bootcamps before and 99% of it is fluff and marketing hype. I have not taken an RSD bootcamp but I have bought their materials and studied Tylers stuff and its in line with the bootcamps I have taken. All he does is instruct people how to live their life and he is not even licensed in any social profession(s). If the guy is so good with women – why has he not dated say a Playboy Playmate or Ms America or some real hot woman. I have no evidence that he has. The other video is basic stuff on attraction – women like humor,ect – all common sense. So I question all of this. I have been in this pickup stuff since the early 2000’s and I can tell you most of it is junk and not true. Bottom line is that women go for good looking men, money and social status. If “Game” is used and used for benefit – its just the little extra needed for the guy with the looks, money or status. Sorry but that is reality.

          • Colin

            I read the other day that one of the major dating sites, O.K Cupid compiled statistics on who messages who on the dating site.Somehow they came up with the statistic that the least handsome guys got 11 times less messages than the most handsome.I’m sure I’ve seen other studies which show uglier men garner much less attraction from women.
            Every single guy I have ever known who is good looking has never had any problems at all getting with women.I know at least 2 or 3 guys who are ugly who are getting pretty old now and been single all their life.Never really seen or heard of any handsome guys who weren’t dating good lookers by their early twenties.Most of them had gorgeous girls by the time they were 16.
            I get out and about a bit,and I think you exaggerate the number of ugly guys you see with hot women.I don’t see too many of them.I probably see 1 ugly guy with a hot women for every 10 good looking guys.And at the end of the day,there’s not many good looking girls,and a hell of a lot of average to not so good looking guys.One way or the other, most of those guys are not going to end up with lookers.Its basic maths.

          • Kevin

            I live in a big Metro area now and have either lived on traveled to big Metro areas in my life (LA, NYC, Miami, London,ect). I would say its about 1 out of every 10 couples (could be higher ratio) that would have a “ugly guy” with an attractive woman. And that is the more liberal Metro areas! My argument makes total sense and its is never seriously considered. Its always about “confidence.” Well I have a number of taller good looking friends that are scared of their shadow and they have never had trouble with attractive women. Women want men with “better” genes so why would they not be as visual? I would think they would be as or more. They want better quality babies so they go after the “better quality man.” That makes sense. Its basic Austrian school economics – market forces at work. People act on incentives and women do that same in dating and mating.

    • rivenz6

      I saw a study which showed that relationships in which one partner is more physically attractive than the other,tend to be short lived.Usually the more attractive partner does end up going with someone who is a match in terms of physical attractiveness. A good example is Angelina Jolie.She was with a couple less attractive guys for a while,but it didn’t last.Then she ended up with Brad Pitt….

    • refugeesillegalsgohome

      He can’t really.

  • Dwayne

    Do you think handsome gay boys/men can be attracted to ugly men.I mean they are guys so they would be attracted to looks,yes? I just stumbled across this and looked because I been messaging all the cute guys on the dating sites and they never reply or want to meet you.I tried sending every imaginable kind of message and you never hear back from them.I’m sure it’s my looks.
    This might be outside of your circle of experience,but can confidence and all that help with picking up a good looking, younger guy.I like guys about 18 -22,but I think I’m just too old for them(32).Should I just give up??

    • Why do you like younger guys? Is it because of their looks? You would know better than I would. I would assume looks are far more important to gay men than they are to straight women, based on the fact that looks are far more important to straight men than they are to straight women. Obviously I’m not gay so I can’t speak for that group of people.

  • Dwayne

    BTW I have actually had about 3 or 4 replies on dating sites that pretty much told me str8 up I was ugly.The ones that didn’t reply,I have a sneaking suspicion that’s what they were thinking……….

  • BestRealAnswer

    Most attractive women these days do date very ugly men, and that is Fact. Go Figure.

    • Kevin

      BestRealAnswer – where do you see this? Show us proof? I do not see this in any shape or form. Please show proof….

    • johnny

      I’m pretty ugly.Why don’t I have women falling all over me? I can’t even remember the last time I could detect a bit of desire in the eyes and demeanor of a woman.Mainly I seem to get daggers from them, or they refuse to even look at me at all……

    • nordicman

      not true. Even if they do, it’s because of money. If you’re a man and want an attractive women that’s not clingy or has baggage, better be very good looking or have money or be an asshole. Sorry, that’s what most of them date.

      • refugeesillegalsgohome

        I am a woman and I absolutely agree

  • Justin Adrian De la Cruz

    still i’m shy and dont have the balls to approach a beautiful girl…i was humiliated before and got traumatized from it…and i always assume that most beautiful girls already have boyfriend…plus i’m an socially awkward when talking to girls i’m attracted to…i dont have a problem talking to girl i’m not attracted to. as being the pointer in my group of friends i can pinpoint a hot chick in distance and point faster even before my friends see her…my friends told me that i really have a high standards with girls and i should give up because i dont have a balls to approach them and its impractical…nice article though…i’m 22 years old never had a gf, i feel shit and worthless

    • take a bootcamp.

      • Justin Adrian De la Cruz

        too broke to have bootcamp

        • johnny

          get a job n save for bootcamp.

          • martin

            I went to a bootcamp,but i still struggle to talk to women.I havn’t been able to ask any out since.I’m still too shy.See bootcamp only teaches u what to say.It still can’t give you the actual confidence to do it.

      • LogicalReason

        He should simply start watching RSDtyler on Youtube;

      • rivenz6

        I looked up a couple bootcamps in my area.They are like 400 buks for one day. The thing is, it’s like one or two instructors sharing their time between a whole group of people.I can’t see attending bootcamp for a day changing the core reasons men fail to approach women.Just learning what to do or say won’t give them the ability to do it.Most guys have a fair idea of what to do or say,but they can’t because of shyness or fear or whatever.Bootcamp won,t change that shyness.So is it worth 400 buks to walk away just as shy as when you walked in, but with a few “tips” under your belt?

        • rivenz6

          Frankly they seem a bit like a scam to me.Easy money for some guy promising anyone who coughs up will be able to pick up anyone they want…..

        • If you don’t think it’s worth it, then don’t buy one. Although I doubt that after being forced to approach dozens of women that you’re going to be at exactly the same level of shyness as before. Some men find that even if it reduces their shyness from a 10 out of 10 down to an 8 out of 10, it’s worth it.

          • rivenz6

            How does an instructor “force” shy men to approach women? A pistol in the back perhaps. I dont think anything they say is going to make the shyer guys act like they need to.I wander how many boot camp attendees fail to successfully approach women when the time comes.

          • There’s no law that says you have to buy one. Plenty of people must be satisfied or the BCs would end up going out of business.

          • rivenz6

            Well i guess the bc gets paid regardless of whether the client is satisfied.And it wouldnt be hard to stay in business making 2 grand a day for 1 guy with zero overheads to chit chat to a small group of people.Not saying they arent worth it, but its a matter of working out who they will help and who needs some other form of intervention to get a result.

    • Jarrod Wells

      Dude, I can tell you stories about being humiliated. I’ve caught my girlfriends in bed with my best friends. I’ve also had women tell awful lies about me, destroying my reputation. My own mother stole $2,500 from me. My sister wigged out on me when I was a kid and kicked me in the nuts. My other sister humiliated me in front of a crowd of people. I’ve been so humiliated by women, but today I’ve learned to forgive.
      Moreover, as a pua, I have still had women do some terrible things. I’ve had them throw ice at me in bars. I’ve had them call me names. I’ve made out with girls and then had them totally reject me when another better dude walked into the bar. You know what? I welcome this sort of rejection now because it helps me to learn how to pull women back to me in spite of how they’ve treated me. My mother and sister now adore me. In bars I used this rejection from women as a tool to learn how to display my alpha male personality. I no longer get upset when women treat me bad, instead I laugh it off as no big deal, after all, I am going to talk to ten more women that night, and I often hook up with even hotter girls than the girls who tried to humiliate me. Being a pick up artist will grow you some very thick skin. This will help you in all areas of your life. I used to get really hurt if my boss verbally abuse me. Now it means nothing. I don’t lose sleep over it. I laugh it off as no big deal. Listen, friend, there are a lot of bad people in this world and they will screw with you. Often, when you get good at game, there will be jealous people who will try to destroy you by spreading lies about you, or yelling at you, or even trying to start fights with you. This is a good thing, however, because it helps you to grow even a thicker skin. Eventually you become like John Wayne and you are not afraid of any situation or anything a group of people can do to you. The only thing to fear is death, and getting murdered in a bar is very rare and something that you shouldn’t even worry about. You’d have more chance at getting struck by lightning.

  • Rob Nemere

    Total BS any non fat chick is as shallow or more than the average guy I doubt your story show us the blonde!

    • Winner

      Yeah,the whole story is a fantasy trip.

  • Todd Warren

    The problem with anecdotal stories like this is that they are often embellished in some way. Not saying the original poster is lying, but I find the whole story highly suspect. For one, a hot girl isn’t going to choose the average looking guy over the beefcake/model. A hot girl is used to having the best of everything, and she will choose looks over game everyday of the week. Anyone that tells you different is selling you something. Namely a product that promises that an average looking guy can bat out of his league. He can’t. Plain and simple. And please stop saying that overweight fat guys are with hot girls all the time. This just isn’t true – go look around in the general public. All the hot girls I see are with good looking fit guys. The problem is that when they talk about this they turn to celebrities or famous people – that’s not general public. Take a look around and you’ll see its true. People rarely rose above their station a 1000 years ago; and they aren’t doing it much now either.

  • Justin

    lol its about looks. Women and men are exactly the same. Look at an ugly girl and tell me what she could do to attract you…..absolutely nothing. Girls are the same.

  • Karan

    The above article was worth a read. The only problem which i have is that i am shy sometime i feel inferior because i am little overweight main problem is self worth, so can you please do me a favor and tell me how to increase self worth and get a great life a head

    • Well you apparently already know the answer. If your problem is low self-worth because of weight, the easiest way to deal with that is to simply lose the weight. Eat a fat free vegan diet and run 20 minutes a day. The weight will come right off and your mood will improve. Running releases endorphins that elevate mood, and whole plant foods are loaded with serotonin which will further elevate your mood.

  • Give em Cornbread

    I am an attractive woman and please understand that many attractive women are lonely. We just need a man who is confident enough to approach us.

    • rivenz6

      Thats a bit silly.I haven’t met any attractive woman that were single.I know heaps that have partners.
      And if you are so lonely,give the less attractive guys a chance by say,replying to them on facebook, or on a dating site.If your lonely there’s a thousand guys right now who will talk with you if you gave them the chance.
      I liked about 1500 women on Tinder app.Guess what,only 3 liked me back,and none of them were attractive.What gives? I thought you said you were lonely.Why the avoidance?

      • Online dating sites are all about looks because that’s all a woman has to go on. If a woman only has a few pictures and a paragraph to go on, and she’s getting messaged by a few hundred dudes every day, how else is she supposed to narrow down her selection? If you’re not attractive, or if you have crappy profile pics, or if your profile is junk, you’ll never get anywhere trying to find hotties online dating. You need to go out and hit on them in person.

        See that little red headed dude Tyler in the video I posted above? Even that guy says he’s terrified of online dating because he knows he’s not cut out for that. You have to do cold approach in person if you want results and you’re not a model.

      • nordicman

        but that’s just it, dude. why should hot women give the not-so-good looking guys a chance when many guys–and I include myself in this criticism–won’t give the not-so-good-looking females a chance? Just saying, man. Don’t play the game and then complain about losing.

    • rivenz6

      I find that not infrequently attractive women seem somewhat offended when an average guy even speaks to them.At least that is my experience.Try being more inviting to the men so they are not discouraged.Numerous times I just spoke casually to some attractive women,didnt even hit on them or anything and they were kind of “what the fuck are you doing talking to me”.Not surprising guys are not approaching you.
      Then again men dont deserve any different,since they treat ugly women the same way….

    • rivenz6


    • Robert Jones

      And ma’am, what is it may I ask that you’re bringing to this relationship? You’re already lonely, so us men are going to have to be cautious with that one. You are ‘attractive’, but have no pic. This isn’t an insult, it’s only an observation. Not that I’m hot…blah. I’m celibate, so it shouldn’t matter anyway.

      But why would I want to bother asking out a woman if she too, is shy, and yet also too unconfident to approach me? You see your double-standard here? This is the twenty-first century ma’am. Equal Rights were passed in 1963. You’re more than welcome to approach. What I’m saying is stop expecting a man to always be something you’re not, and when he’s not something you are, it doesn’t mean he’s not worthy.

      I’ll tell you what… If I was an attractive lady and I had the final-say-so in who breeds with me, and whose genes were evolutionarily passed about, I’d stop waiting around aging and get on the ball and start asking men out myself…

      But in all honesty, the marriage concept is going out the window. You can thank women for this too…. or maybe it was men for that matter, having never learned to remain monogamous and it backfired on men, where women’s mentality strays about and wonders why the world can’t accept her as a man (when she wants) and then accept her as a woman (also on her terms). Women and their maddening greed in a divorce with a former someone she chose to marry herself; someone she “loved”, initiated on the sole basis of either being bored or wanting more cha-ching, but complaining of less time spent together.

      I mean no disrespect whatsoever, and this is only anecdotal from a priorism, but most women can’t seem to understand exchanges — or simple economics. When people choose to make decisions, there is usually a decline in some variable involving your already established lifestyle… When you forgo variable ‘A’ and ‘B’ for C, there is no return policy. I.e., You don’t get to switch out what you don’t like and keep the rest..

      Men don’t leave marriages because they’re wiped clean. Women know they’ll get away with it and because of this clear tyranny cast onto men (violation of the equal protection clause), they make-out with no less than half the assets and accounts while virtually supplying no resources herself… Marriage? No way!

      Would you go sky-diving if there was only a 20% chance your parachute would open? Hell no you wouldn’t! This is marriage for men, in the developed world. “Best recognize.”

  • Wh0Ar3y0u

    @michaelsuede:disqus/ Others

    This article is a life saver for most guys that have problems attracting/dating girls.Thanks for taking the time to write this informative article.

    I highly highly recommend a free pdf/e-book that I downloaded online called “The book of pook”. It has provided me with valuable timeless info not just on how to get women but also on how to improve the quality of my life.

    I’m only 23 but this makes so much sense and only validates what I’ve known for awhile now. It all comes down to accepting who you are and dealing with any type of insecurities or self-esteem issues one might have. I’ve been at the lowest of the lowest not too long ago and have now reached a state of being genuinely confident and happy through persistent self-improvement. If you can’t accept/respect yourself then who on earth will? Above all respect yourself. Be your own best friend. Once you know who you truly are and like you for who you are, the rest comes naturally be it friends/good job/girlfriend,etc. Negative thinking ruins lives and limits ones ability to get ahead in life. I think the biggest problem for most men is them putting women on a pedestal and treating them like some sort of goddess like diva that doesn’t take sh*ts/farts and is perfect in every way imaginable. We’re all humans, girls are no exception. Don’t paint an image of that “dream girl” in your mind as if she’s the prize to be won. It should be the other way around. You are the prize to be won. She should be the one trying to impress you. If you’re not happy with yourself without a girlfriend then its time to get a reality check and figure out what it is that is bothering you and what you want out of life because girls are not a source of happiness for single,lonely guys that aren’t happy with life. Why do you think there are so many divorces nowadays? Pursue your dreams and then let the girl into your life. Not the other way around. Girls should be viewed as icing on the cake. They are there to enhance your life once you have your life put together.

    I’d also like to point out that most people have many unresolved repressed sub-conscious issues that need to be addressed and dealt with before you can be genuinely happy in all aspects of your life. Dealing with personal insecurities is what makes us men STRONG. Most may not know it but our sub-conscious affects how we act/behave on a daily basis. Research more about the sub-conscious online for more info.

  • rivenz6

    I wander if it is worth cold approaching some woman you find attractive if you are inexperienced,or would it make more sense to practice on other women you didn’t find so attractive first,in case you just blow it with the one you like?

    • What makes sense is hitting on more than one girl you find attractive. The “one” you like should never be the only one. You’ll never make progress in your social skills by only hitting on women you don’t find attractive. That’s like a person who wants to win a marathon never pushing themselves past running a mile during training. How effective is that training going to be?

      • rivenz6

        I don’t have what it takes to approach women anyway.I keep trying to phsyche myself into approaching strangers but I just can’t make myself do it.Through voluntary willpower there is no way I am ever going to bring myself to do it. I have wasted too much time already walking around malls trying to approach,Ill be with a walking stick by the time I manage to even hit on 1 person. I read all the tips under the sun but nothing makes it any easier.It appears increasingly likely with every attempt that I will never be able to do it.

  • Christopher

    Yeah I learned a lot from this article, that it’s all bullshit and self worth only matters when the guy and girl are both good looking. Like seriously, FaceandLMS already covered this on youtube, Your confidence doesn’t mean shit if you’re ugly. The only way you’re ever gonna get a girlfriend is if you’re hot with bad boy persona or you have money to go with status. It should be clear as day by now that if women are the ones who choose which guy to go home and be in a relationship with best believe they’re gonna choose the biggest, baddest, hottest, and most muscat dude in sight. You really need some bullshit like this and fake ass money Grubbing pick up artist bullshit to tell you that shit? Women are well aware of pick up art and only expect it to come from hot guys. Word of advice to men that are ugly, either find that far chick that society doesn’t want or get rich and buy a woman with your riches because that’s the only way you’re EVER gonna be able to get any emotional support from a woman.

  • Joshua Hariz (Wildflame101)

    So I came to this while searching on Google to try and find a little bit more about how we’re told that while guys find girls attractive in a visual manner, it has absolutely no effect on girls. Except that all the time you hear girls saying ‘He’s hot/cute/attractive.’ I guess this article sort of answers it but…

    From the way this article is, it just seems like in order to get a girl you have to be a jerk! Why can’t you go up to a girl and dance with her and talk to her and compliment her, instead you have to go and push her around and take control. You were saying like

    ‘Her opinion is worth shit. It doesn’t mean shit. Her opinion has the value of a five year old’s. In reality, it doesn’t matter if she thinks you’re a big fat pile of shit or God’s gift to women. What she gonna do? Why should you care what she thinks about you? If you care what she thinks, you’re already ascribing wayyyy too much unearned value to her. She hasn’t earned the right for you to care what she thinks about you yet.’

    But, her opinion does matter. A women’s opinion of you is extremely important. I want her to think that I’m a nice guy who thinks she’s awesome, and not someone who is a jerk and doesn’t give a toss about what she says.

    I’m very self-confident but I would never, ever, do something like that you said in the example. Mostly because I’m not too keen on just hitting up on a girl, if I am wanting someone, its because I think that I might just marry that person.

    I just found this really interesting… Maybe we could do like a live chat because I really do want to go in-depth about this with you, it could be interesting.

    • If I was a jerk I never would have hooked up. As for her opinion, what I’m trying to convey is that you shouldn’t be outcome dependent. You shouldn’t care if a girl blows you off or tells you to fuck off or says something obnoxious to you, just move on to the next one. I could care less if a girl blows me off because I don’t value her opinion of me at all.

      • Joshua Hariz (Wildflame101)

        But thats the thing, this strategy is like all or nothing, you either get her completely or she hates you completely.

        Thats not an option though, I don’t go hooking up with random girls. I go for girls that I truly care about and want to be with. So if that girl thinks that I’m an idiot then it really does matter.

        Like just looking at your comment “just move on to the next one.” I don’t want to move on to the next one. For me it just sort of seems like saying that is saying women are objects. ‘This one doesn’t work? I’ll just get another one!’

        I think I have a bit of different view of the world to you, like when you say you shouldn’t care if someone swears at you or calls you names. I sort of do care, if they’re saying that because of something that I’ve done (not just sworn at me when I don’t know them in the slightest) then there’s something about me that is annoying. I try and see what I’m doing and think about if someone did it to me.

        • I don’t approach women with the intent of pissing them off. I’m not sure how you got that from my article. The typical reaction isn’t love or hate, it’s indifference. If a girl isn’t interested, typically she’ll just ignore or behave indifferently.

          As for moving on to the next one, I’m not sure what you think is supposed to happen. If standing around and continuing to hit on a girl who’s obviously annoyed with your presence works for you, then keep on doing that.

        • 7iThor

          What a gentleman! I hope you find a wonderful woman.

    • Amina Sisic

      Thank you for sharing you thoughts, Yoshua. I read a part of this article and it truly left me disgusted (I’m a woman). I’m glad some guys still have values when it comes to women, like you have. I honestly sometimes consider becoming lesian when I read the crap men talk about women and how some claim the dynamics are or should be… Most of the time I simply think of staying single for the rest of my life and taking care of dogs and cats, or mabye a foster child… But if mutual respect still exists in heterosexual relationships, I won’t give up yet.

  • Farian Far

    take my life experience I had all the talents but no looks when I was in 20’s and women didn’t give a shit about me. I realized the importance of looks and started working on it.. I did manage to improve my looks by 90% and I saw the whole world change around me.. women stated approaching me by ten folds and I started sleeping with hottest girls today I am 47 and dating hot 21 years .. why and how? looks…. & looks they are important and looks can’t be learnt like other talents thats why people try to console themselves saying looks doesn’t matter but actually they do.. women are as visual as men .. they too have two eyes and thats the reason guys like brad pitt and george cloony are so popular .. not because of their game.. face the facts even research has proved that women orgasms more with handsome men not with the guys who knows the game.. and women orgasms are ultimate proof of attraction ..take my advice start works on your looks. rest doesn’t matter much..

  • Savage Shards

    I think that hearing it said that – this is what girls like / this is how girls want to be treated and that’s just the way it is – makes me feel like crap. I feel like I will never be able to change my thinking to accommodate such a dramatic worldview shift and that makes my confidence go even lower.

    Maybe the important takeaway here is something like this – everyone has their own intrinsic worth. No woman or anything else can give you that worth. But if you act like you do not have worth, other people will pick up on it, since it is easier for people to ignore others than to address them.

    • Savage Shards

      Quick question – I’ve noticed a lot of guys that are PUA instructors or just heavily invested into the PUA scene are always making an effort to kind of stick out their bellies when they talk to women. As if to say, “I am fat and I don’t care”.

      Why exactly? Is it a confidence thing? Do you have to be a little fat to attract women? Maybe I am trying to be a little bit mean so i am sorry.

    • Savage Shards

      Man and another thing – this stuff is all well and good. It’s great.

      What I can see from what ‘game’ is this – it is just men going out to places where women are looking for entertainment and then doing just that – entertaining them. Am I missing something?

  • So did you smash?

  • James Bold

  • Jarrod Wells

    Very true, and very right on. Looks, although they help, really don’t matter when you have dominance and personality. Several years ago I posted my pictures on hot or not in Denver Co. There were a thousand other dudes posting their pictures. I received a 9.8 rating. There was only one other guy with a rating that high. You know what? I wasn’t getting laid in the bars at all. In fact, women ignored me like I was some kind of lizard hanging out on a rock. Guess what? I had to swallow my ego and realize that looks are not the measure of a man. Dignity, confidence, and courage are. I’m amazed at how many men in a bar are willing to fist fight and get their nose jacked up, but they are cowards when it comes to approaching women. Now a days I approach. Just the other night I lost an HB 10 to one of my friends who’s a natural and has laid probably a thousand women. No matter, there was an HB9 sitting across the bar. I approached her and ran game on her. Her boyfriend realized that he was in big trouble and eventually left, leaving me with his girlfriend. I didn’t even have to pick up on her. Just showing that I had the balls to flirt with her, despite her boyfriend being there, was enough to spark attraction. We made out right there on the bar and met later in the week for ice cream and then danced at a local club. I won’t tell what happened later because I think bragging about it is for insecure guys who think their friends will like them better. But yeah, approach, approach, approach. You’d be surprised how confident and sexy you can become when you practice talking to girls and flirting with them. It’s like pitching a baseball. The first time you pitch you suck, but if you practice your pitch, you get much better. We in the pick up community have a 1000-2000 approach rule, which simply states that it takes 10000-2000 approaches to get good at your game. Some pick up artist state it takes 5,000 approaches to start pulling 9’s and 10’s consistently.
    Get out there. Approach. What else are you going to do? Watch NFL 4 nights a week and spank your monkey to porn? It took me three years of approaching and approaching and approaching to get good at game. Prior to game I couldn’t get laid in whorehouse. Don’t wait for girls to approach you. This was my big mistake. I thought that because I was good-looking I should have girl sitting on my noggin left and right. I thought that if Tom Cruise could have women swarm him then I should too. Instead, I saw nerds and losers getting laid more than me. Not anymore however.

    • ImperatorMachinarum

      Having dignity, confidence, and courage doesn’t equal what is colloquially known as having game. The aim of sleeping with as many women as possible isn’t the former for sure. And game as I see it is for the most part superficial and not genuine.

      Women have better weaponry now with which to distill the BS of such game. They’ll get your full name and check you out on LinkedIn and Facebook!


      Obviously I take a lot of your self congratulatory post with huge grains of salt. Especially as a guy myself who had to learn how to talk to women. But throughout this process, I always treated women with dignity and honest. Something I was raised to do. And something necessary in order to meet a nice girl.

      If you don’t treat a girl with dignity, chances are you won’t make a positive impression.

      • refugeesillegalsgohome

        Exactly, I mean dominance?? No decent woman wants to date a man with that trait.

    • ben Dover

      I think you will find looks matter more than you are describing. If you are not getting hit on by women regularly, you are not good looking, end of story.Your hot or not score is not a good indication. My best friend landed a girl with 10 out of 10 looks, who also is a great cook, tolerant of him doing all his car stuff in spare time, and is down to earth. All he had to do was put a profile online and within a month he was hooked up. Girls come sit next to him at bars and start talking to him. This is purely a result of him being good looking.
      I on the other hand can not get even 1 response from anybody on any dating site, and have never had a girl come and talk to me in 2 decades of going out. Girls avoid eye contact with me at all costs. If I do talk to them, they quite often seem annoyed that I did so. This is all purely a result of me being not so good looking.
      As far as building confidence in approaching at bars, I fail to see how 1000 approaches is going to change the way they react to you. I mean, you either said “insert pickup line here” or you didn’t. Practicing saying the same shit over and over again is not going to change the way it sounds to any female in the bar. You will not be perceived any differently because you said it 500 times, to 500 other girls.
      I would finish by saying that most or all guys I know with good looking partners, have no particular confidence about them.They are completely ordinary, modest men, with ordinary levels of social confidence. And now that it is socially acceptable for women to actually pick and choose their partners, they themselves are making it clear that they much prefer attractive looking men, and contrary to age old myths, they well and truly prefer younger men over older men. If you disagree with this, I can point you to countless forums in which the women themselves make absolutely clear this preference. And of course, looks are the biggest differentiator between young men and old ones, just as looks are the biggest differentiator between young women and old ones.

    • ben Dover

      And 5000 approaches? Even if I went to bars 3 nights a week, I would be dead from old age before I could get anywhere near that number. It took me 4 years of training to do my first approach!

  • refugeesillegalsgohome

    LOL. MOST beautiful women are NOT interested in fat or out of shape men. PERIOD. Other than that, ugly is subjective. However, most 9’s and 10’s want to date other 9’s and 10’s. I am a woman. This is the truth.

    • The flip side to that is MOST men aren’t interested in dating crazy women either, Ms. Refugees Illegals Go Home.

      It’s not necessary for all beautiful women to not care about looks. As long as some don’t care (and I would wager most don’t), it’s just a numbers game until the guy with the cool personality pulls one in.

  • thank you

  • Deepsouth

    I hate the fact that your just stereotyping guys who make an effort to go to the gym and look good. A strong body is a strong mind, that’s not just a saying. Most “beefcaked” guys KNOW how to flirt with women. They know how to pick up women. Not just the 1% that you claim does. That’s why 99% of the time a nice ripped looking dude is with a slim petite sexy woman. Yes, there is a dud in every dozen but your analysis is way off. I’m not saying you don’t know what your talking about, I’m sure you have great success with women. But your stereotyping is obnoxious.

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  • Hercules Baterna

    hi is this still around? what if the woman i am going to see is expecting me to be more, let’s just say, attractive. we’ve been clicking enough in chats but i dont think that it will still be the same in person.