A few days ago I penned an updated version of a hugely popular article I wrote over a year ago. The article is entitled Do Men’s Looks Matter When It Comes To Attracting Women? This article continues to be one of most visited articles on this blog over a year after I wrote it (hundreds of views per day.)
Today, I’m going to address one reader’s response to this article in this blog post. Peter writes that he’s having trouble dealing with shyness, and the things I suggest doing in my article seem like they are impossible for him to accomplish. He’s even seen a psychiatrist seeking help for his shyness, and the psychiatrist told him that some people, even with therapy, may never fully overcome their shyness and end up just staying shy for life. Peter is very concerned that he could end up being one of these people.
Well, I think any psychiatrist who tells you that it’s possible you may never be cured of your shyness is a pretty fucking worthless psychiatrist. Rest assured that it is possible for all people to overcome their shyness, because shyness is function of your consciousness. That said, don’t expect this article to suddenly make you not be shy any more. You can’t expect any therapist, any article, or anything that is external to your being, to suddenly bring about a change in how you judge various situations.
You, the decision making being, who is experiencing the physical body and brain of “Peter” the human, is simply reacting to electrical sensations created by the nervous system of “Peter” the human. Peter is not you. Peter is a body. Peter is a physical brain. Peter is a bio-electric entity living in a virtual hologram that allows you to undergo a physical and time based existence. This belief pattern may be difficult to accept, but it is true. Ask yourself if believing otherwise helps you more than harms you. You should do your best to discard any belief pattern that does not help you, no matter if it is true or not. Forget what you think is true. Go with what will help you now.
For this to become evident, you have to stop and assess exactly what fear is. You have to analyze the physical sensations that arise when you experience fear over any given situation. The next time you feel afraid, I want you to stop and analyse the purely physical sensations that you’re experiencing. Try and put emotion aside and just focus on the physical sensations you are experiencing.
Fear is a physiological response. Peter the human’s heart rate increases. Peter the human’s palms become sweaty. Peter the human’s breathing becomes more rapid. You may experience physically unpleasant sensations emanating from Peter the human’s nerves in his stomach region. The body called Peter is sending you, the inhabiting being that comprises the “being” in the phrase “human being,” a rush of electrochemical signals that you are then judging to be good or bad sensations.
Peter the Body sends you a rush of electrochemical sensations, and then you make a judgement about what those sensations represent and how you should react to them. Peter the Body is afraid, you, the being experiencing Peter the Body, cannot be afraid. It’s not possible for you to be afraid, only for your body and brain to be afraid. All you are capable of doing is judging the electrochemical signals Peter is sending you to be bad or good, and then directing Peter on how to react to them.
The trick is to figure out a way to stop negatively judging the sensations that Peter the Body is sending you. Instructors who teach men how to pickup women on various bootcamps often give their students tasks that are designed to fail. This is a very Zen method of teaching, and I personally love it. One example might be telling a man to approach a woman with his shirt over his head. Another might be telling a man to approach a woman and try to have a conversation with her without being allowed to ask her any questions.
If Peter the Body is forced to do enough of these absurd interactions, eventually Peter the Body will learn that nothing bad will result from them. Nothing bad will result from acting like a total idiot. Nothing bad will result from having the entire bar laughing at you. Nothing bad will result from people negatively judging you. Eventually Peter the Body will stop sending you an overload of chemical signals and You the Being will stop negatively interpreting the signals that remain.
Of course, it’s easy for me to say that, and subconsciously you know what I’m saying is true, the obvious problem is forcing your body to actually go out and approach women with its shirt over its head. This is why people pay bootcamp instructors thousands of dollars per weekend. They need someone to essentially push them out of the airplane while skydiving. They need someone to push them off the bridge while bungee jumping. They need someone to kick them off the cliff while cliff diving. Once someone has forced you to jump a few times, the body learns that there are great rewards that come from taking the plunge.
Paying someone to force your body to take action works because you know the enormous amount of money you spent is essentially going to be wasted if you don’t go along with the program. It plays on your ego. It sets up a situation where your ego will be damaged by not taking action, on top of facing an enormous amount of peer pressure. I highly recommend finding someone who will FORCE you to interact with women.
I also recommend taking a bootcamp in a place far away from where you live, like Vegas. I recommend this because it forces your brain to recognize the fact that you will never see any of these people again. So no matter how idiotic you may act, you’ll never see them again. Thus, there can be no consequences for acting like a total moron. Vegas is the best place on Earth to take a bootcamp. If you can afford it, there is nothing better.
Bootcamps are expensive, but think of it this way, what’s it worth to not be shy any more? What’s it worth to have someone force you to overcome your mental blocks so that you can live a full and complete life? It’s worth everything IMHO. Just to be clear, I do not work for Real Social Dynamics. No one is paying me to promote them. I just totally believe in their product and I think they do great work. If you do decide to take a bootcamp, be sure to tell the instructor repeatedly that you WANT them to be as forceful with you as it takes.
I also recommend cutting out anything negative from your life until you feel you are healed. Cut out all news. Stop visiting any websites that promote negativity or bring people down. You should actively be trying to brainwash yourself into being a positive happy person. Your goal should be to brainwash yourself. Say it to yourself. Tell yourself that you want to brainwash yourself into being a happy and positive person, and you’re going to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal.
Also, since you’re cutting out everything negative, don’t forget to cut out negative music as well. No more fucking death metal. No more gangster rap. No more depressing country songs about how some guy’s dog died and his wife left him. No more sappy romance songs. All you are allowed to listen to from now on is EDM (Electronic Dance Music), so start enjoying it. Popular artists include Avicii, LMFAO, Tiesto, Kaskade, Samantha James, Ocean Lab, JES, Armin Van Buuren and Jamiroquai. And start dancing to them, alone or in public. And smile everywhere you go, even if you feel angry at the world. Dancing and smiling are proven anti-depressants.
Other than bootcamps, I highly recommend purchasing the following hypnotherapy sessions from iTunes:
- Build Your Self-Esteem by Glenn Harrold
- Learn How To Think Positively by Glenn Harrold
- Get Confident and Assertive by Glenn Harrold
Hypnotherapy has been repeatedly proven to work! So use it!
I make it a point to listen to at least one track from these every night before I go to sleep. I completely blank out my mind and then focus on the message as much as I possibly can. Doing this right before you go to bed has the added benefit of increasing the amount of time you spend resting. Proper sleep is vital to curing depression and shyness. Since you’re no longer going to be watching the useless nightly news, you’ll have added time to do this.
If you live in a state where medical marijuana is legal, I highly recommend getting your hands on some. The medicinal power of marijuana to cure depressed states, along with its mild entheogenic properties, combined with hypnotherapy sessions is truly amazing. Blaze up before putting on some Glenn Harrold!
The study, which was undertaken at the University Medical Center Utrecht in the Netherlands, claims that THC activates the endocannabinoid system naturally found in the brain to alter our response to negative images or emotions….According to the study, people who had THC in their bloodstream were less accurate in matching the fearful facial expressions.
This is exactly what shy people need. Most medical marijuana doctors will provide a marijuana prescription for people who complain about depression, insomnia caused by depression and insomnia caused by anxiety.
If you’ve never done marijuana before, get someone to sit with you while you do it. A little too much can cause severe panic attacks, but it will never cause any real harm to you no matter how scary of a panic attack it causes. Still, it’s better to have someone who’s done it before there with you to help calm you down should you experience panic attack. If you do experience a panic attack, push through it and do it again. Face your fears.
The last, and perhaps the most important recommendation, is to take up a weightlifting and diet program.
Did you know your gut has 500 million neurons? Did you know your gut bacteria can have an impact on your emotional health? Did you know that diet and exercise have been scientifically proven to cure depression?
I cannot stress this enough. Building up a physically fit body will provide you a sense of entitlement. Your ego will feel like you’ve earned the right to hit on hot girls because you’ve put effort into your appearance. Of course, your looks don’t really matter to the girl, but they do matter a whole heck of a lot to how you perceive yourself.
You will notice that the fitter you become, the more self-confident you will become. Even if you never get to the point where you look like a jacked beefcake, the act of improving yourself will confer huge psychological benefits. Working out on its own may be enough to cure shyness in many people.
Here’s a super simple program that I follow. Use machines instead of free-weights if you don’t have a workout partner who can spot for you. By rep #11, you should be unable to push the weight up any more:
- Squats (or leg press) – 3 sets of 8-10 reps. – 2 minutes rest between sets.
- Bench Press – 3 sets of 8-10 reps. – 2 minutes rest between sets.
- Rows – 3 sets of 8-10 reps. – 2 minutes rest between sets.
- Triceps Press Downs – 1 set of 10-12 reps.
- Calf Raises – 1-2 sets of 10-12 reps. – 1 minute rest between sets.
- Deadlifts – 3 sets of 8-10 reps. – 2 minutes rest between sets.
- Pull-Ups (or Lat Pull-Downs) – 3 sets of 8-10 reps. – 2 minutes rest between sets.
- Overhead Shoulder Press – 3 sets of 8-10 reps. – 2 minutes rest between sets.
- Biceps Curls – 1 set of 10-12 reps.
- Abs – 1-2 sets of 10-12 reps. – 1 minute rest between sets.
On an alternating schedule between A and B, do three days a week in the gym. For example, do workout A on Monday, workout B on Wednesday and workout A again on Friday. Then next week do B on Monday, A on Wednesday, etc.. etc.. I got this simple program from a highly recommended personal trainer. If you want to do more, great.
Diet is just as important, possibly MORE important, than working out.
Eating green tart apples, like the Granny Smith, will increase the amount of good bacteria in your gut. Apples eaten before a meal will also reduce the average calories consumed by 15%. So start adding apples to your diet.
An awesome way to consume an apple is to get one of those apple slicer contraptions that cuts an apple into slices by pushing down on it (keep one at work or in your lunch box too.) Then add a drop of honey to each bite. Super tasty, super sweet, and really low calories for the fullness you get from it. Along with apples, start adding a multivitamin and vitamin D pills to your diet. If you’re overweight, setup a diet plan for the week and stick to it.
Oh, and one more thing, if you are a smoker, you need to quit immediately. Smoking is a massive nervous system stimulant. You may think it is relaxing you and helping you to deal with anxiety, but that is simply a drug induced illusion. Smoking also destroys beneficial gut bacteria, which as I showed above, means it could be adding to your depressed shy state of being.
By quitting smoking, you are forcing your psyche to manage your nervous system instead of relying on nicotine to manage it for you. Quitting smoking is like taking the training wheels off a bicycle. You suddenly have to control your own stress response without relying on any drugs to help you. This obviously is of huge benefit when it comes to hitting on women. Same goes for alcohol. You need to be the one fully in control of your stress response.
Glenn Harrold makes a stop smoking hypnotherapy session that will be of great benefit. Do not rely on nicotine replacement products, such as the patch or gum. If anything, go with Chantix or Wellbutrin, but the best way is to go cold turkey and rely on hypnotherapy, even though it is the hardest method.
Quitting smoking will also confer an additional sense of entitlement to you. Because you’ll feel like you’re actively working towards something, you will feel more entitled. Overcoming the moment to moment challenge that quitting imposes on you will really make you feel like your doing something to make your life better every moment of every day. Entitlement is a BIG help when it comes to overcoming shyness.
Summary of actions you can take:
- Workout by doing weightlifting three days a week.
- Alter your diet to include apples, multivitamins and reduced calories if you are overweight.
- Listen to hypnotherapy courses that will help you brainwash yourself once a day.
- Cut out all negative influences, such as the news and death metal, from your life.
- Smile everywhere you go and dance as much as you can.
- Add medical marijuana if available in your area.
- Take a bootcamp that forces you to interact with women.
- Quit all nicotine and alcohol.
It’s a short list, but it’s extremely powerful. It may take several months before you notice a change in your behavior, but I promise you, if you follow these steps religiously, you’re going to be shocked at how dramatically improved your mental health becomes.
Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist, I’m not a doctor, I’m just a guy giving you his opinion on what he’s seen work throughout his life. If you are experiencing severe depression and shyness, seek help from a medical professional. If nothing else, having someone to talk to about it can calm your anxiety.